STL234 Outreaches

05/27/2026

Grief

We have been navigating an unexpected death in the family this week. As I sit back and observe how everyone processes grief differently, I am reminded of just how important our inner circle truly is. The individuals who see you as you. The core who accepts you for you.

As we process hard things, we need to be surrounded by support. We truly do.

05/18/2026

Did you know playing card games such as matching helps strengthen our working memory? For kiddos who have experienced high levels of stress, chaos and or trauma playing non-electronic games like this encourages problem solving and processing.

Side benefit: when playing as a family, memories can be made!

05/17/2026

A strategy we personally use and we suggest for others to use while in a stressful conversation is drive-thru talking.

You see, when you go to a drive-thru you place your order. The order taker is solely focusing on your order. The order taker repeats what you say to ensure the order is correct. The order taker is not preparing an argument to discourage the customer from their choices, questioning the customer on their choices or even interrupting the customer while speaking. The order taker’s goal is to listen and make sure what they heard was correct.

Imagine if this is how we communicated? When someone was telling us their thoughts or opinions, we listened so intently it was as if we could repeat it word for word. Then, we could focus on responding to what was correctly said and not what we thought we heard.

Drive-thru talking. It works.

05/15/2026

Let’s Talk Grammar!!!

Back in the day we had “School House Rock” on Saturday mornings to help support what we learned in the classroom during the week. One topic that never made it on SHR was the power of YOU.

The pronoun YOU gets over used when it comes to stressful conversations. Sometimes we come in to attack so we rely on using the pronoun you “You didn’t do this right.” “You made me feel like…” “This is what you did…”

During stressful conversations when we hear the pronoun YOU, our amydala goes on alert and feels attacked. We then struggle to hear the conversation because we are busy trying to figure out if we need to attack back or retreat entirely.

Some would even say YOU is the most offensive word in verbal confrontation.

05/14/2026

Hey Tulsa Community!

We know of a fantastic summer camp opportunity!

NSU - BA is hosting “See My Ability” camp June 9-12th.

Visual arts camp for children and adults with disabilities aged 12-25 at the Broken Arrow campus

05/13/2026

Final PACEs Post:

9. Being active or playing sports - movement is huge in healing. This is where rhythm can begin to play a role. Also, when we exercise and move, endorphins, dopamine and serotonin are all released - instant mood lifters!!!

10. Having routines and fair rules at home - consistency is vital for helping in buffering out effects of high levels of stress, chaos and trauma. This allows the brain to use vital energy in other ways versus not trying to use energy to figure out what is coming next.

PACEs are vital for healing. If you are in need of a strategy session to ensure PACEs are a part of your parenting style, reach out!

05/12/2026

Part 4: PACEs

7. Having opportunities to learn - Education is a natural buffer to high levels of stress, chaos and trauma. When children and adolescents are provided with opportunities to learn, different parts of their brain are stimulated and given the opportunity to thrive.

8. Having a hobby - Simply being able to have a hobby provides a child or an adolescent multiple opportunities to problem solve, express themselves, gain self-confidence and improve overall mental health.

Again, intentionally placing these PACEs in the life of any child or adolescent is good but when they are placed in the life of a child or adolescent during or after high levels of stress, chaos or trauma, the benefits are life changing.

05/08/2026

Part Three: PACEs

We are continuing our look at PACEs that help mitigate and minimize the long lasting effects of chaos, stress and or trauma.

5. Having a mentor outside of the family - sometimes hearing advice and guidance from someone other than your parents just sets in a tad bit deeper. In addition, when adolescents have another adult to look to, to speak with, to have deep conversations with, they are provided another layer of support and encouragement.

6. Living in a clean, safe home with enough food - this brings me back to Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs. When our basic needs are being met, we as humans can turn our energy and focus on other tasks. This is a powerful PACE. When adolescents can rely on living in a clean, safe home with enough food, they can “exhale” a little. The basal ganglia part of their brain gets to summer down a bit and the pre-frontal cortex can start to get used.

Two days left! Let us not forget how powerful these intentional additions to a child’s life truly are!!

05/08/2026

Day 2 of PACES

Continuing the discussion about intentional actions that act as buffers to mitigate and lessen the long lasting effects of high levels of stress, chaos and or trauma, let’s look at two more PACEs.

3. Volunteering or helping others: when individuals who experienced high levels of stress, chaos and or trauma as a child but were thriving as adults look back, they recall volunteering or intentionally helping others. Volunteering provides an opportunity for oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin—along with endorphins to be released.

4. Being active in a social group: this was another consistent self-reported mitigator adults recall from their childhood. When children and adolescents are active in a social group (youth group, sports team, Boy Scouts, etc), they feel included and they feel accepted. They have a community. This is huge.

Four PACEs down….Six PACEs to go!!

05/07/2026

Day 1 of PACEs

PACEs are protective and compensatory experiences that buffer or mitigate the high levels of stress, chaos and or trauma the brain has endured. This list was compiled based upon extensive research on resilience.

Over the next 5 days we are going to look at 2 PACEs a day. Let’s go!

1. The child feels like a parent or a caregiver provided unconditional love.
This could occur during the time of the stress, chaos and or trauma or after but the child feels like A parent or caregiver. Notice. Not both parents. A parent. One.

2. The child has the opportunity to spend time with a best friend.
This again could occur during the time of the stress, chaos and or trauma or after but the child had a best friend. A best friend to hang with. A best friend to be silly with. A best friend to be real with. A best friend to feel safe with.

PACEs are simply buffers that help lessen and or negate the long lasting effects of the high levels of stress, chaos and or trauma. These are self reported by adults who had high levels of stress, chaos, and or trauma in their childhood years but were thriving as adults. How did they make it? Why were they not repeating the same chaos? These 2 (along with the others that we will talk about soon) helped mitigate the negative effects.

Stay tuned…….