05/31/2026
🚨 Massachusetts drivers think they understand traffic delays? That’s cute… now try negotiating with a Canada goose outside Market Basket. 🪿☕💀
You don’t honk at them.
You don’t wave them along.
You simply accept that your entire day is now operating on goose time.
One second you're trying to grab coffee and a rotisserie chicken.
The next second you're sitting in the parking lot watching a goose slowly cross the road like it's conducting an official Commonwealth inspection. 😭
This isn't a traffic jam.
This is a government hearing chaired by wildlife.
The guy behind you in a pickup already tapped the horn twice.
A woman in a Subaru loaded with Market Basket groceries is staring in disbelief.
Somebody from Worcester is rolling down the window offering completely unsolicited advice.
The goose?
Unbothered.
One step.
Pause.
Long stare.
Another step.
Like it's personally reviewing your Massachusetts driving record before granting passage. 💀
And somehow they always appear in the most Massachusetts locations imaginable:
• outside Market Basket on a Saturday morning
• wandering through Cape Cod parking lots
• standing beside a Dunkin' drive-thru entrance
• blocking traffic near a town common
• casually supervising Little League games like unpaid state employees 😭
Every Massachusetts resident understands the rules:
You NEVER challenge a Canada goose.
Because the goose already believes it owns the parking lot.
The road.
The town.
And possibly the entire Commonwealth. 🪿☕💀