09/04/2026
This is worth the read.
Nason Lollar happens to be my daughter’s principal, and what he writes here gets at something we don’t talk about enough in education.
Kids need to be challenged, but they also need to be seen, known and connected.
Sometimes a louder cafeteria is a good thing. Kids talking. Laughing. Looking up. Connecting with the people around them.
Strong schools are built by leaders who understand that belonging matters too.
Grateful my daughter has a principal who gets that. 💙
I don't mind a loud cafeteria. (Within reason, of course.) But one thing that has always frustrated me is watching perfectly good food get thrown away every day.
This isn't some kind of hunger strike. To be sure, middle schoolers eat a lot. Seriously, they never STOP eating. But for educators who spend so much time worrying about whether kids have enough to eat, watching good food go into the trash can be infuriating.
But I've come to realize there may be something else going on here. Those kids who left food lying on the lunch table may not have completely full stomachs, but they are leaving the cafeteria filled after 20 minutes of personal interaction with their friends.
When you think about our basic human need for acknowledgment and attention in this light, it makes it easier to understand why kids might skip lunch to discuss something a friend said about them on social media.
This tracks for us adults too. It's why a young teacher would be afraid to speak up in a faculty meeting, even though she had a burning question about submitting her grades properly. Or why many years ago I thought my career was over after my principal had to simply remind me to respond to a parent email that had gotten lost in my inbox.
The type of attention we bring to ourselves is a constant concern for us.
Level Three in Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is in solid control of our thoughts in all of these situations. How people regard us, and the type of attention we desire from others, constantly dominate our thoughts. And this feeling is absolutely strong enough to make us skip a meal.
In Motivation and Personality (1954), Dr. Maslow described his third level of human need this way:
“Feelings of belongingness, of being one of a group, of identification with group goals and triumphs, of acceptance, or having a place, at-homeness.”
"At-homeness."
Isn't that an awesome word? Leave it to a generational mind like Maslow to create a word that perfectly summarizes the connection, acceptance, and acknowledgment we all crave. Much of this need is satisfied through different forms of acknowledgment.
Here's an interesting fact about Maslow's hierarchy: He didn't create the nice triangle infographic we all associate with his idea. That was added in later to make it more concise and engaging. I think this image has caused us to think, incorrectly, that the hierarchy is a daily, linear progression.
But to read Maslow's own words, it is NOT.
In that same work, he described these five needs as AUTONOMOUS. Independent of each other.
That's important. This need for belonging, which we subconsciously feel and desire every time we gain the attention of others, is intense. And it applies to every single one of us, whether we are hungry or not.
So, at least some of my anger at seeing wasted food comes from my misunderstanding of these needs, I guess. Students aren't walking into school each day like their caveman ancestors, wearing a backpack over their shoulder while they hunt and gather food for the day. Squeezed into a school full of people, they instead spend their day navigating interaction and belonging, with some seeking it out and others terrified of getting it wrong.
Maybe that's why the sight of a new kid standing alone in a cafeteria, tray in hand, looking for somewhere to sit bothers us even more than the idea of wasted food. We know instinctively that finding a seat isn't really what that kid is looking for. They're looking for a place where they belong.
Maybe this helps explain why cell phone bans have been so effective and so well received. Take away the screen, and kids have little choice but to turn their attention back toward the people sitting beside them. There have been some pains as we've adjusted back to that old low-tech norm. And if the byproduct is a higher volume level in the cafeteria, I'm OK with that.
I still don't agree with it happening, but maybe that gives us a different way to look at food going into the trash.
Those kids may be leaving the cafeteria hungry for more food. But after 20 minutes of laughing, talking, listening, and being noticed by their friends, they may have satisfied another hunger entirely.
Hopefully they are leaving the cafeteria feeling AT HOME. Understanding this need is a big step in how we serve our students and colleagues.
Attention. Recognition. Credit. Validation. Praise. Appreciation. Respect. Acceptance. Belonging.
Call it whatever you like, but each of these words describes a feeling that is always present in the human experience of acknowledgment.
And maybe that's all any of us are really hungry for: someone to make room for us at their table.
