Protect Our Children - Becoming a Mama/Papa Bear

11/02/2023

As we come into the holidays, keep in mind:

12/31/2022

As I get ready to welcome 2023, I look back and realize it’s going to be the fourth year since I broke all silence on my and my brothers sexual abuse perpetrated by who we called our stepfather. Fourth year where my mother chose a side and it wasn’t mine, my brothers chose a side and it also wasn’t mine. I thought breaking the silence would be it, it would no longer be a lonely battle but boy was I wrong. Just like that I lost my family, just like that I became the outcast.

I continue to pray for God to open the eyes of those who I love, help them see the truth, help them accept the truth. It’s been 13 years since I escaped my 7 year abuse, but everything still lingers. It means I look at everyone with mistrust and I scan my children from head to toe when they’re out of my sight. It means I sometimes cry after dropping off my boys in the mornings because I now trust no one. It means I overthink every comment my boys make regarding an adult. It means that just at age 26 I learned to sleep with the closet door open. It means I still get flashbacks with certain sounds. It means I was terrified of diaper rashes and I cried every time one of my boys got one as I fought my thoughts.

One day, maybe this will just be a story.

To all my Facebook friends, please take care of our children, not all people are trustworthy. Listen to your kids/grandkids, look at the cues, pay attention. We are all children have and they look at us for protection. Don’t trust your kids to anyone, don’t leave your kids to anyone.

See something, say something.

12/14/2022

“It’s a Secret.”

As a child my predator told me the gifts were “secrets” his actions were “secrets” his letters were “secrets” even some games were “secrets”. It was “our secret”.

Have you stopped to have a conversation with your child about secrets?

There are many types of secrets that you may have forgotten you already taught your child, this includes:

Fun Secrets - That gift you bought mom, dad, or brother for Christmas and you asked your child not to tell.

Damaging Secrets - When grandma/grandpa or aunt/uncle snuck a piece of candy or cookie to your child and asked them not to tell or mom/dad would get upset. Teaching your child that if they tell on a secret, bad consequences happen.

STOP and think about Dangerous Secrets - Predators tell children “This is our Secret” or threaten them to keep the secret quiet.

What to do now?

- Teach your children that at home we don’t keep secrets.
- Teach your children that they can come to you with anything.
- Use the word “surprise” instead of “secret”.
- Reassure your child that telling won’t result in punishment.
- Educate children about types of secrets.
- Identify for your child one to two trusted adults.

You can still protect your child, you still have time to educate them, take care of them.

Repost, Tag, and Share.

You never know who needs to read this.

12/08/2022

The Art of Gifting

Did you know predators use the art of gifting to groom or quiet victims?

As a child my perpetrator gave me toys, yes, toys. That Barbie I really wanted was given to me in secrecy by my perpetrator, sometimes it would be candy, and even a CD of my favorite artist.

My predator used money and special treatments to keep my brother quiet. He would get $20-$25 a week in exchange to keep quiet.

At no point should an adult or older youth give a child gifts, special privileges, or preferential treatment. Teach your children to say no and most importantly to tell you when this happens.

“Gift giving is an important part of the grooming process. They are used to gain trust and favor and set an expectation that they might go away if the child does not comply with the wishes of the perpetrator. Sometimes the gift or treat is given with the condition that it be kept a secret from others.”

As a caregiver, pay attention if your child comes home with expensive gifts, items, or money that you are unaware of.

Be alert, be vigilant, and keep our children safe.

Read. Share. Repost.

You never know who needs to hear or learn this.

12/06/2022

Growing up in a traditional Hispanic household, I was expected to hug and kiss each and every person in the room when I arrived and when I left. This included the creepy family friend that was the “Tio” who would grope me and my abuser.

It’s time to start teaching our children about CONSENT.

We have learned that it’s rude or disrespectful to not hug or kiss our uncle/grandparent etc. I myself have been guilty of trying to coax my child into kissing or hugging that relative. STOP and think what are we really teaching our children here?

We are not teaching them to consent, we are teaching them that their feelings don’t matter, it only matters what others think and feel.

“Consent lets others know how we want them to interact with us and our bodies. We often talk about it in the context of sexual situations, but it’s actually a skill we can use in any relationship. Helping our kids learn to assert their personal boundaries and respect those of others helps to lay the foundation for creating healthy romantic and sexual relationships when they’re older.”

This means that if our children don’t want hugs/kisses, that’s okay.

Respect their reluctance to hug or kiss a relative.

Most importantly, pat attention if there’s a pattern with a particular person/situation.

Let’s protect our children!

12/03/2022

Have you had the conversation with your child about stranger danger?

If so, that’s great, however, 90% of sexual abuse cases are committed by someone the child knows, this means that you’re only protecting them from the 10%.

What can you do to protect your child?
- Be mindful of when your child will be or may be alone with an adult such as a coach, teacher, troop leader, or even a family member.
- Try to avoid these situations where your child may be alone with an adult.

12/03/2022

BEAR AWARE - is a page that will bring child abuse awareness to our Mama and Papa bears, which include our parents, grandparents, and other caregivers.

Did you know “One in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault at the hands of an adult.” - RAINN.org

That’s a scary statistic!

My name is Zuleima and I am was the one in nine for 7 years of my childhood. As a person who experienced child abuse first handedly, I find it my mission to create awareness on how we can protect and prepare our children from the predators that hide in plain sight.

To learn tips and best practices, join and share our page.

This 5-part video series & guidebook takes a DEIB, trauma-informed approach to preventing child sexual abuse, both on and off-line, and caring for children who have experienced such abuse.