~Child Abuse, My Life Story~

Hi, my name is Mindi, I am 38 years old and I'm here to tell you my life story of being abused as a child. Some of this might be graphic so please don't read this if you get offended easily. It all started back when I was between the ages of 8 & 10, I say I was 8 my mom says closer to 10. I was the oldest child as well as the oldest grandchild on my mothers side. I spent most of my childhood days at my grandparents home because we lived there as well, when we didn't live there we only lived across the street and the next street over. I would say that I was a very loving child and trusted everyone, that's when it all started. I was a very young girl and one of our (now X) family members decided that he needed to violate me as a child. Many times he would have me touch him in places that were not appropriate, yet he was the adult and I was the child. He did things to me that in the long run destroyed my inside female parts. This went on for awhile, every time I would cry and tell him NO but he never listened to me. He used to tell me that if I told on him my family would be so mad at me and that they would blame me, I didn't want my family mad at me so I decided I would never say anything... I remember that day, I was down in their room and he was doing bad things again when all of a sudden another family member walked in and caught him. I thought this was the day my life would start getting better.... I was wrong! This was the day that my whole life changed for the worse... My mother marched me up to the Stake Presidents house and wanted me to talk to him, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I was hurt, scared, and in shock! After I wouldn't talk we went back home and that's when it all started! I remember the day my mom took me to a MALE counselor, I, in no way wanted to talk to this man, I didn't even want to be in the same room as this man. I wonder now what in the hell was my mom thinking? I wouldn't say one word to this guy so my mom got mad and walked me out of there. Many years past and nothing was ever done, it got swept under the rug and that was the end of that! Many years past, I was very depressed, lonely and very afraid! As the years went on I had many female problems, the doctors could never figure out what was wrong with me. When I was with my X, we decided I should go back to the doctors to find out if there was anything they could do so that I could have a baby... I went to many doctors and many times I got no answers until I met my last doctor. Dr. P was amazing, she knew where to send me for answers, I saw her friend and he ran many tests on me. Many of these tests were very painful, I knew I had to do it in order to find out if I could be a mom!! The one thing I wanted most in life was to be a mother, a mother that would love her children and would protect them from evil. A mother who would never let anyone do this to her children or I would personally KILL them. That day came, I went in for surgery to find out what was going on, I remember coming out of surgery and being wheeled into the recovery room where my mom and best friend Tiffany were waiting for my arrival. Dr. S came in and was talking to my mom, I was still trying to wake all the way up. The Dr stood there for a minute and then asked my mom this question, " Did Mindi ever experience trauma as a child?" My mom hesitated for a minute and then, yes, however, she said she didn't know it was that bad... Dr. S said that my uterus looked like a cob web that had been sitting in the same old house for at least 20 years and just kept getting bigger and bigger :o( my heart sank and the tears began to fall. It was at that moment, I knew my chances of ever becoming a MOM was out of the question. After a couple of weeks Dr.S sent me to a specialist up at the U of U and he ran more blood tests as well as 2 different ultrasounds. After the ultrasound, he stated to me that he must do a D&C on me, my uterus was way to large and could cause many problems. After the D&C he decided to start me on fertility drugs to see if that would cause my body to have a menstrual cycle. After 2 weeks of being sicker than a dog from taking these 3 medications and giving myself shots in the stomach, nothing, nothing at all... After nothing changing I knew there was no hope for me in being able to carry my own child. All I ever dreamed of was getting married and having children, maybe four or five! Now my dreams were crushed, all because one complete ASSHOLE decided that he needed to be a disgusting pig... I thought my life was over, I didn't want to live anymore. I wanted to be free from all the pain that was in my heart. I had no family support, I had my friend Tiffany and that was it. I wondered how I was going to deal with this! The relationship I was in at the time wasn't a good one. My boyfriend was very abusive, an alcoholic and then turned out to be a drug addict. The first couple of months were great, he had 4 children, 2 of them came to live with us. He had a 10 year old son and an 8 year old daughter. I knew these kids were sent to me for a reason. A couple of months later we got a call from DCFS and they had the 2 youngest children, I fought for 1.5 years to get them out of the system. Now I had 4 children, ages 11, 9, almost 2 and 8 months. The mother had her rights taken away, the father got so strung out on drugs, I had to raise these 4 children alone. I know knew that this was my calling in life. Even though I couldn't have my own children I had 4 that I loved as my own and raised as my own. These 4 children brought me more happiness than anything else. I thanked God daily for giving me the chance to become a mother. After I left my boyfriend I met my best friend and soul mate. I knew this man was going to treat me like a princess. This was the one I had always dreamed about, the one who would never hurt me, the one who would protect me and the one who could help me. I married this man on 20 October 2008, the greatest day of my life. My husband and I talked a lot about what happened to me as a child and how I had no one to protect me or even help me. My husband has been my greatest support! I started having nightmares about what happened to me as a child and I told myself, I have to do something about this. Now that I have someone who loves me, that I trust and will support me in anything I do, I have to call the Murray PD. I finally got enough courage to call them and they tried telling me that it has been way to long and there is nothing they can do for me. I started crying and new I had to find a way to make this work. I wasn't going to stop, I called the Attorney Generals office, and after fighting them for a few weeks I finally got the answer I wanted, I could go after this sick bastard for what he did to me. I again called the Murray PD and got in touch with someone who finally cared, I went in and met with a detective and he officially filled out the papers so I could try and get this bastard off the streets. If he molested me as a child I'm pretty sure he had done it to someone else. It is my goal to get him off the streets for good so he can't continue hurting others. He took away all of my hopes and dreams of ever becoming a mom. He has made me suffer all these years, I'm not going to stop until I find a way to make him pay for what he has done to me. It is my goal in life to help those that have been hurt, physically, emotionally and sexually. It is not your fault and it took me a long time to figure this out. I am here for those of you who need it. We can talk on the phone, email, IM or however you feel comfortable. I always have an open door and my phone is always on. I have done many things in the past years that I regret, but nothing will hold me back from helping others now. I want to start a support group for those of you who don't have any support, I never did. I have my husband and a few friends that I can trust and who are here for me no matter what. I have good days and I have mad/sad days. It's hard at times to wake up everyday knowing I have lost out on so much in my life but I am a fighter and I will continue to be strong and help others. I want to thank you all for reading this, if you or someone you know has been through this let's do our part to help them. Life is to short to be hurting, mad, scared and thinking you are all alone. I am here for any of you, I will keep any information private and only do what you ask of me. I don't judge and I know that we all need someone to trust. I don't have a degree but I have personally been through all types of abuse.

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