11/05/2022
All things work together for good.
LOVE this so much from š
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One way I know that I have made progress in my healing is that I have given my children permission to advocate for themselves when they are on the receiving end of my wound reactions. ā£ā£
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Last night,my daughter (almost 8), had some very big & instantaneous feelings when I asked her to turn off the TV & do her nightly 20 min of reading.I was so thrown off by her reaction to what I considered a gentle reasonable request that I went into defense/offense mode (I was tired/ hungry/ low brain prone) & ended up calling her DRAMATIC & threatening her with telling her teacher.What??? Yes,I threatened to tattle. š The helplessness & confusion I was experiencing was palpable.Not my best moment. ā£
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āMom! Youāre being violent with your words!Youāre not being a safe space for my feelings!ā ā£ā£
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She was right.I WAS being violent with my words.I was NOT being a safe space.Though itās not her responsibility to create the conditions for my self-reflection, this helped me to snap out of the spiral I was going down.ā£ā£
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I can't imagine what wouldāve happened to me (yes I can but donāt want to) if I had said those things to my mom as a child.I was fearful. ā£ā£
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But this child- she's fearless.And isnāt that the child I set out to raise? A child who is unafraid to self-advocate, knows her worth, & can create boundaries QUICK when something doesnāt feel good in her body about the way sheās being treated.ā£ā£
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Let me be clear.This wasn't ātalking backā, this wasn't āgiving me attitudeā.This was a POSITIVE.I didnāt realize that right away.I had to consciously grow that little light of truth that cracked open in me when she said that. ā£ā£
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I told her she was right but that I needed space.I told her I was in my low brain & needed to come back up before we could continue.I drank water.I sat on the floor.I paid attention to my breath & to my other two kids.ā£ā£
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I was able to ground.Twenty minutes later,we were able to repair.I apologized for my part. She,on her own accord, apologized too forāfreaking outā. I thanked her for standing up for herself.We worked on solutions for next time.This is the work. Our work.š»