09/14/2026
Historic cooperation at the Porder!
Santa Cruz County Sheriff David Hathaway and his elite team met with The Sultan and Chief for high-level talks concerning the greatest footwear threat facing our two nations: Crocs.
Intelligence was shared. Alliances were strengthened. The Porder Batrol truck was inspected. And while the United States and Slowjamastan may not agree on everything, we stand united in the belief that no civilized society should tolerate shoes with holes already in them.
The War Against Crocs has entered a new phase, comrades—and this time, we have backup.