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Carter/Johnson Library and Collection - Los Angeles Annex, Los Angeles, CA (2026)

04/09/2025

Happy hump day, y'all.

It's time to revisit Golden Age Hollywood and talk about the scandals it tried to hide.

There and then, image was everything. Studios ruled with iron contracts, carefully sculpting the public personas of their stars. They dictated what they wore, who they dated, and how they behaved in public. But behind the polished glamour lay a world of secrets, carefully managed by fixers, contracts, and hush money.

One of the most enduring of these secrets involves two of Hollywood’s biggest stars: Clark Gable, the dashing leading man known as “The King of Hollywood,” and Loretta Young, the sweet-faced actress with a devout Catholic image. Together, they shared a scandal that would remain hidden for decades: a child born out of wedlock, hidden from the world, and only confirmed long after both stars had passed.

In 1935, Gable and Young were cast opposite each other in the film, Call of the Wild. Gable, who was married at the time, was notorious for his off-screen affairs. And Young, only 22, had her own carefully guarded reputation as a wholesome, religious woman.

During filming in the remote wilderness of Washington, away from the public eye, the two had a brief affair. Loretta would later claim, without giving details, that what happened was not consensual. In her later years, she would refer to what occurred as “date rape.”

In 1935, becoming pregnant while being unmarried and Catholic was the kind of scandal that could end a career. Rather than face the public shame, Young disappeared from the public eye for several months, claiming illness. In actuality, she moved to Europe and lived in a secluded area during most of her pregnancy. She secretly returned to Venice, CA, and gave birth to a daughter, Judy Lewis, in 1935.

After the birth, Young placed Judy in an orphanage for about a year and a half, before publicly “adopting” her. To the world, it looked like a charitable act. In reality, she was reclaiming her own biological child.

As Judy Lewis grew up, her prominent ears and unmistakable resemblance to Gable, caused people to whisper. But no one dared speak the truth aloud. Even Judy herself didn't know. Her mother, on the other hand, had Judy's ears surgically pinned back.

Clark Gable never publicly acknowledged her, though it's believed he knew she was his daughter. He even allegedly visited Judy as a child...once.

Judy discovered the truth in her 30s, after confronting her mother, and went public in her memoir, Uncommon Knowledge, published in 1994. By then, both of her parents were deceased.

In hindsight, the story is heartbreaking. A young woman in a male-dominated industry forced to protect herself, her image, and her child in the only way the studio system would allow. A man who lived by different rules. And a daughter whose identity was hidden for decades.

Loretta Young maintained a carefully curated public image her entire life. Today, the tale serves as a stark reminder of the control and coercion that thrived in old Hollywood, and how far the industry would go to protect its stars from scandal.

04/02/2025

Happy hump day y'all.

Want to go to some leather bars?

I hope so because that's what we're talking about today.

Los Angeles has long been a city of reinvention, and for the leather community, that journey has been one of constant transformation. The leather bars of LA have evolved from underground refuges into vibrant community spaces where identity, brotherhood, and self-expression thrive.

The Early Years: Behind Closed Doors

In the mid-20th century, being openly gay—or engaging in any form of kink—was risky. Laws criminalized homosexuality, and raids on gay bars were frequent. Leather culture, emerging from the post-WWII biker scene, found itself on the fringes, existing in unmarked bars and backrooms.

Early leather spaces were private clubs and hidden bars, known only through word-of-mouth. Places like The Shed (1968-1972), which became The Outcast (1972-1983), were among the first havens, offering secrecy for men who identified with leather and B**M culture.

The Rise of Iconic Leather Bars

By the late ‘60s and ‘70s, the leather scene began to take shape more publicly. Bars like The Gauntlet (1965-1970) and The Detour (1974-1997) provided meeting places and hubs for identity and exploration.

One of the most legendary spaces, The Stud (1974-1988), became a cornerstone of LA’s leather scene. It had started as the Red Rouge, allegedly owned by Judy Garland and her husband, Sid Luft, in the 1950s and 60s, and then later became The Faultline (1994-2021).

Meanwhile, The Eagle LA (2006-present), which started as The Shed (1968-1972), later becoming The Outcast (1973-1983), and the Gauntlet II (1983-2005), grew into a defining institution, serving as both a bar and a cultural touchstone for leatherfolk and kinksters alike.

The AIDS Crisis & Community Solidarity

The 1980s brought devastation with the AIDS epidemic, which hit the leather community hard. Many bars became more than just social spaces. They became centers of activism and support. Fundraisers, memorials, and outreach efforts were organized within these spaces.

Despite the tragic losses, leather culture survived in places like Oil Can Harry’s (1968-2021) and The Bullet (1983-present), which started as The Hanged Man (1971-1975) before becoming The Signal (1978-1981) and The Officers Club (1980-1983). These leather bars have been keeping the scene alive while embracing safer-sex education and community care.

By the early 2000s, rising rents, gentrification, and shifting social attitudes saw the closure of many leather bars. Spaces that once catered to a niche subculture had to adapt. Some bars, like The Faultline, closed their doors, while others evolved into multi-purpose spaces, blending traditional leather culture with more inclusive, diverse q***r communities.

Events like ONYX gatherings (for men of color in leather) and Fe**sh Pride began drawing new crowds, keeping the leather community dynamic and evolving.

Leather Bars Today: More Than Just a Scene—A Legacy

Today, the leather scene in LA has changed but remains strong. The Eagle LA continues to be a pillar of the community, offering everything from leather contests to educational workshops. Rough Trade Gear (1999-present) in Silver Lake provides a retail hub for gear lovers, while spaces like Precinct DTLA (2015-present) and The Bullet still celebrate leather culture with themed nights and special events.

The Tom of Finland House in Echo Park, though not a bar, has also become a significant gathering space, honoring the legacy of leather artistry and history.

Leather bars are no longer just about secrecy or survival. They are about community, visibility, and celebration. While the scene has transformed, the heartbeat of LA’s leather culture remains strong.

03/26/2025

Happy hump day y'all.

Sh***ri, the Japanese art of rope bo***ge, is both a beautiful and intimate practice. It combines trust, technique, and creativity to create intricate ties that can be visually stunning and deeply connective. However, like any form of bo***ge, safety is paramount.

Practicing sh***ri responsibly means being informed, cautious, and prepared for any situation. Prioritizing safety ensures a pleasurable and risk-aware experience for all involved.

So today, we are going to talk about the critical aspects of responsible rope play.

Understanding Risk-Aware Rope Play (R.A.C.K.)

Sh***ri falls under R.A.C.K. (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink), meaning both the top (rigger) and bottom (rope partner) should fully understand and accept the potential risks before engaging in play. Unlike "safe, sane, and consensual" (SSC), R.A.C.K. acknowledges that some activities come with inherent risks, and the goal is to mitigate them through education and communication.

Key Principles of Risk-Aware Rope Play:

Informed Consent and Negotiation – Both parties should discuss boundaries, safety concerns, fears, desires, expectations, and aftercare (we will return to this in a bit) openly before tying.

Knowledge of Anatomy – Understanding nerve pathways, circulation points, and body mechanics helps prevent injury.

Ongoing Communication – Consent is continuous. The bottom should feel comfortable voicing discomfort or requesting adjustments. And if they want to stop at any moment, that is fully within their rights.

Circulation & Nerve Safety: Checking for Warning Signs

One of the most common risks in sh***ri is nerve compression and circulation restriction. Rope can put pressure on sensitive areas, causing numbness, tingling, or more serious nerve damage if left unchecked.

How to Perform Circulation Checks:

Look for color changes in the limbs (paleness or darkened skin could indicate circulation issues).

Ask the rope bottom to wiggle their fingers and toes frequently. If they can’t move them, adjust the ties.

Test for capillary refill by pressing a fingertip or toe and observing how quickly the color returns (should be within 2 seconds).

Common Nerve Danger Zones to Avoid:

Radial Nerve (Upper Arm) – Located on the outside of the upper arm near the humerus bone. Too much pressure here can cause wrist drop.

Ulnar Nerve (Elbow & Wrist) – Running along the funny bone and wrist, this nerve is prone to compression in certain arm ties.

Peroneal Nerve (Knees & Thighs) – Found on the outer thigh and behind the knee, this can cause foot numbness if compressed.

If your partner experiences tingling, numbness, or sharp pain, untie them immediately and check for nerve compression.

Never ignore discomfort. If your partner expresses pain, numbness, or distress, stop immediately and check-in.

Using Safe Knots and Tying Techniques

Not all knots are safe for bo***ge—some tighten unpredictably and can become dangerous in an emergency. Stick to non-collapsing, stable knots that are easy to untie.

Best Knots for Sh***ri:

Single & Double Column Tie – Essential for anchoring limbs while maintaining circulation.

Lark’s Head Knot – A great starting knot that doesn’t tighten unexpectedly.

Somerville Bowline – A secure but easily releasable tie for complex suspensions.

Knots to Avoid:

Slip Knots – These can cinch down unexpectedly, leading to injury.

Overly Tight Knots – Tension control is key—ropes should be snug but not digging into the skin.

Always leave two fingers' width of space between the rope and the skin to prevent excessive constriction.

Emergency Preparedness: Always Have a Backup Plan

Even with the best precautions, things can go wrong. Being prepared for emergencies can make the difference between a minor issue and a serious injury.

Sh***ri Emergency Checklist:

Rope Scissors or Safety Shears – EMT safety shears are ideal since they can cut through rope quickly without injuring the bottom. Always have an emergency cutting tool within reach.

Not in a bag.

Not across the room.

Within reach.

The last thing you want is to need to cut someone free and have to take the time to search for a cutting tool.

Safe Signals – Establish a verbal safeword and a non-verbal signal (such as tapping out, or holding something that can be dropped) for when the bottom is gagged or unable to speak (maybe in the case of entering ropespace or subspace. That is the state of mind where a bottom is fully immersed in the scene or experience. It can be a trancelike state of pleasure or relaxation where speaking may not be possible.)

Aftercare Plan – Rope play can be physically and emotionally intense. In the moments after tying, check in with your partner. Respect aftercare needs. Some people need cuddles. Some need chocolate or water. Others may just need some space to process. Whatever aftercare needs were discussed during the negotiation phase, make sure they are available to them.

First Aid Knowledge – Basic first aid training can be invaluable. Learn how to handle circulation issues, nerve pinching, or fainting episodes.

If an emergency occurs, untie the bottom immediately. If nerve issues persist after untying, seek medical attention.

Safety is Sexy

Practicing sh***ri responsibly enhances the experience for both the top and bottom. By prioritizing risk awareness, safe knots, circulation checks, and emergency preparedness, you create a safer, more enjoyable space for rope play.

Remember, consent is ongoing, safety is non-negotiable, and knowledge is your best tool.

And don't forget: Always, always have your safety shears with you.

03/19/2025

Happy hump day y'all.

Polyamory, the practice of having multiple consensual romantic or sexual relationships, is as diverse as the people who practice it. Unlike monogamy, where the structure is relatively straightforward, polyamorous relationships come in many different forms, each with its own dynamics and boundaries.

Many people are interested in exploring polyamory. But for some, seeing the different styles can be more than a little daunting.

Today, we are going to review the facts without judging which type is right or wrong.

What matters is what you feel is right for you.

If you're new to polyamory or looking to understand its variations a little better, here’s a breakdown of some of the most common types of polyamorous relationships.

So please, read on and see what style of polyamory sounds like the one for you.

Hierarchical Polyamory

In hierarchical polyamory, partners are ranked in terms of priority. Typically, there is a primary partner, who may share financial, domestic, or parental responsibilities. Secondary and tertiary partners have different levels of emotional and logistical entanglement.

Non-Hierarchical (Egalitarian) Polyamory

In non-hierarchical polyamory, no partner is given priority over another. Someone in an egalitarian poly relationship may have multiple deep romantic relationships without categorizing them as "primary" or "secondary." Instead of ranking relationships, each connection is valued based on its own merits and needs. Decision-making is often done collectively or autonomously, with an emphasis on equal respect among all partners.

Solo Polyamory

Solo polyamory is when someone has multiple relationships while maintaining a strong sense of personal independence. Maybe they choose not to move in with a partner, share finances, or seek any traditional long-term commitments. They might choose to live alone and prioritize their autonomy.

Polyfidelity

In polyfidelity, a closed group of three or more people commits to being exclusive within their group. Unlike open polyamory, partners in polyfidelity do not date outside of their established unit.

Triads and Quads

Triads and quads are specific relationship structures within polyamory.

A triad, or a throuple, is a romantic or sexual relationship involving three people. It can be open or closed, and the individuals may or may not all be involved with one another.

A quad is a relationship involving four people. This can occur when two couples form a relationship together or through other configurations.

Relationship Anarchy

Relationship anarchy challenges the idea of categorizing relationships by predefined rules. People who practice this style of polyamory believe in defining their relationships based on individual needs rather than societal expectations. Someone practicing relationship anarchy may not define their relationships as "romantic" or "friendship" but instead let connections develop naturally without hierarchy or labels. They see every relationship as unique.

Vee Relationships

A vee relationship involves three people where one person (the “hinge”) is romantically involved with two others, but those two people are not romantically or sexually involved with each other.

Kitchen Table Polyamory

In kitchen table polyamory, all partners, including metamours (partners of your partner), have a friendly and comfortable relationship, often spending time together like family.

Parallel Polyamory

This is the opposite of kitchen table polyamory. Parallel polyamory occurs when partners prefer to keep their relationships separate, with minimal or no interaction between metamours.

Open Polyamory

In open polyamory, relationships are fluid, and partners are free to engage in new connections without strict limitations. This can apply to emotional and/or physical relationships.

Perhaps, a couple in an open poly dynamic may have multiple casual partners but maintain a deep emotional bond with each other.

As you can see, polyamory is not a one-size-fits-all relationship style. The beauty of it lies in its flexibility. It doesn't matter if you're drawn to the autonomy of solo poly, the deep connections of polyfidelity, or the balance of hierarchical or non-hierarchical dynamics. The key to success in polyamory is open communication, consent, and honesty.

Understanding the different types of polyamorous relationships can help you navigate your relationships and find the structure that best aligns with your values and needs.

So, what type of polyamory resonates with you the most?

03/12/2025

Happy hump day, y'all!

Have a seat and grab some popcorn. Today we're going back to the Golden Age of Hollywood.

Today, we're going to talk about Joan Crawford.

She was an iconic figure of the era and was no stranger to controversy.

She was known for starring in classic films such as What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? She also was known for her less-than-comforting parenting style, as depicted in both the book and the movie, Mommie Dearest.

But there are also some movies Crawford did that many people wouldn’t know about.

Before adopting the stage name Joan Crawford, Lucille LeSueur was a young dancer trying to break into Hollywood.

Crawford got her start in 1924 in the Broadway show Innocent Eyes as part of the show’s chorus line. She was eventually discovered dancing in Detroit.

Before being discovered by Hollywood, Crawford did another project that was her first-ever on-screen work. It was called The Casting Couch and it was a stag film, the 60's slang term for underground pornographic films of the era.

According to The Daily Mail and biographers who have studied Crawford’s life, The Casting Couch was just one of several erotic films that Crawford appeared in, including Velvet Lips, The Plumber, and She Knows Best.

Crawford was also known to have posed n**e several times in the days before her contract at MGM, which began in mid-1925.

Crawford’s mother found out about one of the films and was about to throw her out of the house, but just days later, Crawford was offered a contract with MGM.

Despite everything, Crawford would end up supporting her mother and brother financially in 1929 after her brother, Hal, showed up unannounced at her home and later sent for their mother.

She grew weary of the two soon after, who she viewed as a financial drain and whose behaviors and morals were not in line with her own.

As Crawford started to become more famous, MGM studio head Louis B. Mayer reportedly became aware of the alleged films. Mayer was determined to shield his burgeoning star from scandal.

Due to the studio system's influence during that era, they wielded significant power over both the professional and personal lives of their contracted actors.

The studio called upon Eddie Mannix, the legendary fixer at MGM whose days in Hollywood were loosely retold in the 2016 Cohen brothers film 'Hail, Caeser.'

Mannix collected several prints, found the negatives, and used MGM funds to have them destroyed.

Throughout her life, Crawford consistently denied the existence of any such films. However, in his autobiography, her first husband, Douglas Fairbanks Jr., claimed that Crawford had confessed to him about her past, though she provided few details and was visibly distressed by the topic.

Crawford hinted in her 1962 memoir that she did receive a threatening phone call while on her honeymoon in 1935.

Also, remember that the FBI was keeping files on many Hollywood stars at the time.

There is an entry in Crawford's FBI file that shows as much as $100,000 may have been handed over to an unknown blackmailer at around this time. It also shows that MGM had already made a previous payoff, most likely to the same man.

The blackmailer?

Crawford's brother, Hal LeSueur.

The payment prevented future scandalous stories from reaching the press. However, several Crawford ‘stag films’ were believed to still be lurking in private collections.

When Crawford left the studio in 1943, it is said that she paid $50,000 for them to release her from her contract.

Many assume that this was actually hush money, so Mannix would keep the existence of any other films to himself.

Given the underground nature of stag films at the time, it would have been virtually impossible for Mayer and Mannix to have known the location of all prints, so Crawford fans hoped that somewhere, stored in the closet of some old man, the film might have remained intact.

Well, guess what? This may have been the case.

In 2007, the Lilly Library, located at Indiana University, which houses the Kinsey collection, revealed that an anonymous donor had, in fact, saved the film. The film is perhaps the last surviving copy.

Crawford's identity was supposedly verified by two local film historians.

There are currently no plans to release the film commercially, but that idea has not yet been ruled out.

03/05/2025

Happy Hump Day y'all

Today we step back into the Leather world.

I've been pondering the best way to delve into the subject of the Leather community. On the one hand, there is the subject of lifestyles, protocols, regalia, etc. On the other hand, there is a rich history of multiple Leather motorcycle clubs and houses.

Keeping that in mind, I think I may have a solution.

Every week, I've tried to cover a different subject of the LA Annex's interests: old Hollywood scandals, polyamory, sh***ri, and Leather culture. When I get to the weeks where we cover Leather culture, I intend to alternate between speaking about the various matters of the community and showcasing a particular Leather club or house that has had an impact on the history of the community.

So today we will be looking at the history of one particular club.

The Blue Max Motorcycle Club.

The Blue Max Motorcycle Club was established on June 7, 1968, in Los Angeles, California, with eleven members and became incorporated on June 23, 1968. Later that year, they joined the Council of Southern California Motorcycle Clubs. The first chapter called "The Rose of No Man's Land," the nickname given by soldiers to the nurses who saved thousands of lives during WWI was presented at Badger Flats in 1968.

Hal Hegge served as one of Blue Max's early presidents and stayed involved with the club from the time of its founding through the late 1970s.

The club's identity was heavily influenced by the imagery of Imperial Prussia, particularly Kaiser Wilhelm II and the famed fighter pilot Manfred von Richthofen, known as the Red Baron. Because of this members' uniforms resembled those of the Prussian military.

In the late 1960s, under police chief William H. Parker, Los Angeles' gay bars were frequently subjected to police harassment and raids. This got even worse when Parker died in 1966 and was permanently replaced by Edward M. Davis in 1969. Davis was widely criticized by gay rights groups for targeting the gay community using cruel and unfair raids. This leads many to seek alternative social venues. Gay motorcycle clubs like Blue Max provided such alternatives, fostering a sense of community and belonging while minimizing the chance of being swept up in a police raid.

Beyond their aesthetic and social endeavors, Blue Max played a pivotal role in the broader gay rights movement.

The club organized benefits for community groups and participated in activities that extended beyond motorcycling. They were known for organizing social events such as cooking chili together.

The Blue Max Motorcycle Club continued its operations into the 1990s, leaving an indelible mark on the gay motorcycle scene.

02/26/2025

Happy hump day, y'all.

For those who are interested in learning about sh***ri, the Japanese art of rope bo***ge, you may think there are many intricate ties that you will have to learn. This is true, however, sh***ri is more than just tying knots.

It’s an intimate, artistic, and sensory experience that relies heavily on the rope itself. Choosing the right rope can make a significant difference in the feel, safety, and aesthetic of your ties. Understanding the different types of rope used in sh***ri will help you refine your craft and create a more fulfilling experience for both, you, the rigger (the person tying), and the bottom (the person being tied).

Today, we are going to talk about the different types of rope that are available to you.

Natural vs. Synthetic Ropes: What’s the Difference?

When it comes to sh***ri, ropes generally fall into two categories: natural fiber and synthetic fiber. Each has its unique qualities, advantages, and drawbacks.

Natural Fiber Ropes

Natural fiber ropes, like jute and h**p, are the traditional choice for sh***ri. They have a rough texture that creates a sensual drag against the skin (my favorite part) and hold knots well.

Pros:
Authentic traditional look and feel
Excellent knot security
Good friction for complex ties
Aesthetically pleasing for photoshoots and performances

Cons:
Requires maintenance (oiling and conditioning)
Can fray or break if not properly cared for
Can be rough on sensitive skin or an irritant for those with allergies to grasses

Synthetic Fiber Ropes

Synthetic ropes, such as nylon and polyester, offer a modern alternative to traditional natural fiber ropes. They are often softer, easier to clean, and require little maintenance.

Pros:
Low maintenance and long-lasting
Soft on the skin
Available in a variety of colors
Ideal for beginners or those with sensitive skin

Cons:
Can be too slippery for complex knots
Lacks the traditional sh***ri aesthetic
Does not provide the same friction as natural fibers

Types of Natural Fiber Ropes Used in Sh***ri

1. Jute – The Traditional Choice

Jute is the most widely used rope in sh***ri, preferred by many for its lightweight, firm texture, and excellent knot security. It provides a good balance of flexibility and strength while offering a sensual, slightly rough drag on the skin.

Best for: Traditional sh***ri, suspension, performance art
Maintenance: Needs regular oiling and conditioning
Feel: Rough, natural texture that softens over time

2. H**p – Strong and Durable

H**p rope is slightly heavier and softer than jute, making it a popular alternative for those who want a strong, durable rope with less bite. It holds knots well but has a bit more stretch than jute.

Best for: Comfortable ties, beginners who want a natural fiber option
Maintenance: Requires oiling and proper storage to prevent fraying
Feel: Slightly smoother than jute but still provides a natural texture

3. Coconut Fiber Rope – For the Sensory Adventurer*

Coconut fiber rope is extremely rough and coarse, making it ideal for those who enjoy intense sensory play. It is not commonly used for full-body bo***ge but can be incorporated into specific ties for added stimulation.

Best for: Sensation play, edge play
Maintenance: Requires careful handling due to its abrasive nature
Feel: Very rough and scratchy, not ideal for beginners

Types of Synthetic Ropes Used in Sh***ri

4. Nylon – Smooth and Slippery

Nylon rope is soft, flexible, and smooth, making it great for beginners or those with sensitive skin. However, its slippery nature means that knots may not hold as securely as with natural fibers.

Best for: Beginners, bedroom play, decorative bo***ge
Maintenance: Easy to clean, no special care required
Feel: Silky and soft, with little to no friction

5. MFP (Multifilament Polypropylene) – Lightweight and Colorful

MFP rope is a synthetic alternative that mimics some of the characteristics of natural fiber ropes while offering vibrant color options and easy maintenance. It’s commonly used for decorative ties and photoshoots.

Best for: Aesthetic rope work, bedroom play, beginners
Maintenance: Machine washable, does not require oiling
Feel: Softer than jute or h**p, slightly textured for better grip

How to Choose the Right Rope for Your Needs

The best rope for you depends on your experience level, preferences, and intended use.

Beginners – Start with soft h**p or MFP for a balance of comfort and durability.
Traditionalists – Opt for jute for an authentic sh***ri experience.
Suspension Artists – Use high-quality, conditioned jute or h**p for secure ties.
Sensory Play Enthusiasts – Experiment with coconut fiber for added texture.
Bedroom & Casual Users – Nylon or MFP is best for easy handling and maintenance.

Caring for Your Rope

Proper care will extend the life of your rope and keep it safe for use.

Natural Fiber Ropes: Regularly oil and condition your rope to prevent fraying and keep it supple. Store in a cool, dry place and coil neatly, periodically letting it hang freely, to avoid kinks.
Synthetic Ropes: Machine wash or hand wash in mild detergent and air dry. Synthetic ropes require little to no maintenance.

Choosing the right rope for sh***ri is a personal decision that depends on your needs, skill level, and aesthetic preferences. Whether you’re drawn to the traditional feel of jute, the softness of h**p, or the modern convenience of nylon, each rope type offers a unique experience. The most important thing is to practice safely, communicate with your partner, enjoy the artistry and intimacy of sh***ri, and always, always have your safety shears with you.

*read: Sadists. You know who you are.

02/19/2025

Polyamory 101: Understanding Ethical Non-Monogamy

Happy Hump Day y'all.

Today, we're coming back around to ethical non-monogamy or polyamory. Last time we talked I told you my story about how I discovered it.

Today, I want to go a little deeper into the subject.

Why?

I'm sure I'm not alone in this, but I keep meeting people who either aren't clear on what polyamory is, aren't comfortable with it, or want to give me a high five as they yell “bro!” or “Let's go!”

So today we're going to talk more about polyamory.

First of all, you will notice that I will be using both terms polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy, or ENM, interchangeably.

What do they mean? Are they the same thing?

The simplest way I can explain it is to say that all polyamory is ENM, but not all ENM is polyamory.

Ethical Non-Monogamy is an umbrella term that includes various non-exclusive relationship structures like open relationships, swinging, polyamory, etc.

Polyamory is a specific type of ENM where individuals actively pursue multiple romantic relationships with full knowledge and consent from all involved parties.

This is opposed to non-ethical non-monogamy, where one person is pursuing multiple relationships, but that is not openly communicated with their partners.

To blunt: non-ethical non-monogamy is cheating.

For many, the idea of love has long been tied to monogamy, the belief that a person can only romantically or sexually love one partner at a time. But it is now becoming more and more accepted that this is not always the case.

Polyamory challenges societal norms but also offers a path for those who feel that traditional monogamy doesn’t fit their way of loving.

What Is Polyamory?

Polyamory, from the Greek poly (many) and Latin amor (love), literally means “many loves.” It is the practice of maintaining multiple romantic or sexual relationships simultaneously, with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved. Unlike infidelity or open relationships that are purely sexual, polyamory emphasizes emotional connections, communication, and ethical relationship-building.

Core Principles of Polyamory

Polyamory is not swinging.

Polyamory isn’t just about dating multiple people. It is deeply rooted in values that support healthy, ethical relationships. Some key principles include:

Consent & Honesty – Every partner should be fully aware of and agree to the dynamics of the relationship (we'll get back to this in a moment). Transparency is essential.

Communication – Open dialogue about feelings, boundaries, and expectations is crucial to making polyamory work.

Emotional Awareness – Navigating multiple relationships requires emotional intelligence, self-reflection, and the ability to manage jealousy.

Autonomy & Agency – Each person in a polyamorous dynamic is free to define their own relationships rather than conforming to societal expectations.

Respect for Boundaries – Different relationships have different agreements, and it’s important to honor them.

Types of Polyamorous Relationships

I've mentioned that there are different dynamics within polyamory.

Many people in the polyamorous community have heard the term “Everyone's polyamory is different.”

The reason for this saying is that polyamory exists on a spectrum. Different people structure their relationships in different ways. Here are some of the most common relationship styles:

Hierarchical Polyamory – One partner (often called a primary partner) may hold priority over others in terms of decision-making, living arrangements, or long-term commitment. Other partners (secondary or tertiary) may have less influence in major life decisions.

Non-Hierarchical Polyamory – No one partner is considered "above" the others. Each relationship is valued for what it is, without ranking partners.

Kitchen Table Polyamory – All partners, including metamours (partners of your partner), maintain friendly, communicative relationships and can interact comfortably, such as sitting around the kitchen table together.

Parallel Polyamory – Partners that do not necessarily interact or have relationships with one another but remain aware and respectful of each other’s existence through their mutual partner (commonly known as a hinge).

Solo Polyamory – An individual who engages in multiple relationships but values personal independence, often choosing not to have primary-style commitments like cohabitation or shared finances.

Common Misconceptions About Polyamory

Like any relationship style that challenges the norm, polyamory comes with its fair share of misunderstandings. Let’s debunk a few of the most common myths:

1. Polyamory is Just an Excuse to Cheat

False! Cheating involves dishonesty and betrayal, whereas polyamory is built on transparency and consent. In polyamorous relationships, everyone is aware of the dynamics and has the opportunity to set their own boundaries.

2. Polyamorous People Don’t Get Jealous.

I can personally tell you that this is wrong. Polyamorous individuals can absolutely feel jealousy. It’s a normal human emotion! The difference is that polyamorous people work through their jealousy openly and constructively rather than using it to control their partners. Many even develop compersion, the feeling of joy in seeing a loved one happy with someone else.

3. Polyamory is for People Who Fear Commitment

Oh, this is so wrong. Polyamorous relationships often require more commitment, more time, and more emotional effort than monogamous ones. Polyamory allows people to commit to multiple partners in ways that are meaningful to them.

4. Polyamory Doesn’t Work in the Long Run

Polyamorous relationships last just as long as monogamous relationships. Many successful polyamorous relationships last for years or even lifetimes. Like monogamy, the success of any relationship depends on the people involved and their ability to communicate and grow together.

Why Polyamory?

Many people pursue polyamory because of the freedom to love more than just one person. It just works for some people. It could be for financial reasons. Anyone who has thought about buying a house has probably wished they were in a polycule (the web of romantic, sexual, and/or emotional relationships that interconnect a group of people). Or maybe they just want to have an always-ready D&D party.

Is Polyamory Right for You?

All joking aside, polyamory is not for everyone. And let me be clear, that is okay! Some people thrive in monogamous relationships, while others find fulfillment in non-monogamy. If you’re considering polyamory, ask yourself these questions:

Am I willing to communicate openly and honestly?

Can I handle my jealousy and work through it constructively?

Do I have the time and emotional energy for multiple relationships?

Does the idea of loving multiple people resonate with me?

If your answers lean toward yes, polyamory may be a relationship style that is worth exploring.

If not, again, that is ok.

Polyamory is about love, connection, and freedom of choice. It challenges the idea that love must be exclusive to be valid and instead embraces the idea that love is abundant.

So if you want to explore polyamory, feel free to do so. Just remember to communicate that honestly with your partner, partners.

Also, Google Calendar is your friend!

What are your thoughts on polyamory? Have you had experiences with ethical non-monogamy? Drop a comment and let’s discuss!

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