10/08/2026
A Message from Executive Director Liz Reed
As an alumna of Wells College, the news surrounding the Cornell University case has hit me particularly hard.
Wells College and Cornell shared a close historical, geographical, and social relationship. During my years at Wells, I traveled to the Cornell campus numerous times. Cornell wasn't simply some distant university to me—it was part of the world surrounding my college experience.
I even attended a fraternity party at Cornell once. Thankfully, nothing happened to me that night—other than an incredibly intoxicated young man nearly falling on me while dancing. Yes, he was that intoxicated.
That memory makes what is happening now particularly difficult to process.
We talk a great deal about sexual assault during Sexual Assault Awareness Month—and we absolutely should. But sexual violence, victim blaming, and the culture that can surround these crimes cannot be something we discuss only for one month out of the year.
I want to acknowledge the courage and bravery of Jane Doe.
I am deeply disturbed by the victim blaming I am seeing. I am equally disturbed by the efforts of people trying to uncover the identity of a young woman who has already endured an extraordinarily traumatic experience.
And then there are the text messages.
Some of the messages that have been publicly reported are incredibly difficult to read. According to reporting by The Washington Post and ABC News, messages among fraternity members included a photograph of Jane Doe and degrading comments about her, including references to her being available to other men. Other messages reportedly discussed the incident in terms of protecting the fraternity's reputation.
Those messages should make all of us stop and think.
Because this isn't just about one person.
It is about what happens when a human being becomes an object in someone else's conversation.
It is about what happens when sexual violence becomes something to joke about, brag about, minimize, or explain away.
And it is about the culture that allows people to look at an alleged sexual assault and ask, “What did she do to cause this?” instead of asking, “Why did other people believe they had the right to treat her this way?”
Yes, I understand the First Amendment. Freedom of speech matters. People have the right to express opinions—even opinions that I strongly disagree with.
But having the right to say something does not mean the rest of us have to remain silent when those words contribute to a culture that normalizes sexual violence or blames the person who experienced it.
What has also shaken me to my core in this case is seeing videos and commentary suggesting that this alleged assault is somehow acceptable, deserved, exaggerated, or not really a crime.
I cannot reconcile that with what we know about sexual violence.
At Tri-County Safe Harbor, we work with survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking. We see the courage it takes for someone to ask for help. We see how difficult it can be to tell someone what happened. And we see the fear, shame, confusion, and trauma that survivors can carry long after the incident itself.
That is why this needs to be discussed.
Not because we have already heard every piece of evidence.
Not because an allegation is the same thing as a criminal conviction.
And not because anyone should prejudge the outcome of an investigation or legal proceeding.
But because we can talk about something bigger than the courtroom:
Sexual violence is never the victim's fault.
Survivors deserve dignity.
Survivors deserve privacy.
Survivors deserve to be heard without being publicly hunted down, shamed, or blamed.
And we should never allow conversations about sexual violence to become entertainment.
Be an Upstander.
This is where every one of us has a role.
An Upstander is someone who chooses not to stand by when they see something wrong.
An Upstander speaks up when someone is being degraded.
An Upstander challenges jokes that normalize sexual violence.
An Upstander refuses to participate in victim blaming.
And sometimes, being an Upstander simply means saying:
“That's not okay.”
We cannot always control what other people say or do. But we can control whether we participate, whether we amplify it, whether we challenge it, and whether we stand beside the person who may be hurting.
That is how culture changes.
That is how we teach young people that consent matters.
That is how we teach them that someone's body is never an invitation.
And that is how we make it harder for sexual violence to be normalized.
Don't be a bystander. Be an Upstander.
On October 13, Wear Red.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and at Tri-County Safe Harbor, we are proud to spend this month raising awareness about domestic violence and standing with survivors.
But on October 13, we are also asking our community to wear red in solidarity with Jane Doe and survivors of sexual violence.
Wearing red does not diminish the importance of Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
It expands the conversation.
Domestic violence and sexual violence are deeply connected forms of violence that affect individuals, families, and communities. Survivors deserve our support whether the violence they experienced occurred in a relationship, in a home, on a college campus, or anywhere else.
So on October 13:
Wear red.
Wear it for Jane Doe.
Wear it for survivors whose names we will never know.
Wear it for the people who were too afraid to tell anyone.
Wear it for the survivors who are still healing.
And wear it as a visible reminder that sexual violence is never acceptable—and that our communities can choose to stand together against it.
We are all Jane Doe.
Be the person who believes.
Be the person who listens.
Be the person who speaks up.
Be the Upstander.
Not just during Sexual Assault Awareness Month.
Not just during Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Every. Single. Day.
