09/02/2026
🦍 BIGFOOT CASE UPDATE — CASE CLOSED 🦍
Due to the unusually high number of calls received yesterday regarding a Sasquatch, Yeti, Bigfoot, or possibly just a very large and hairy individual roaming around town, we felt it necessary to provide an official update.
After a lengthy, exhaustive, and completely serious investigation, members of the Damariscotta Police Department have reached a conclusion:
Bigfoot is not real.
We understand this may be disappointing to some. Frankly, there were members of our department who were secretly hoping we had finally stumbled upon something that would make national news.
Sadly, no.
Officer Smith eventually located the elusive creature sitting peacefully on Main Street. Rather than immediately placing him under arrest for being suspiciously hairy, Officer Smith sat down and had a great conversation with him.
The conversation was pleasant.
There were photographs.
There were several interruptions from excited members of the public.
And, despite our best efforts to gather compelling evidence, not a single Bigfoot grunt was heard.
Our investigation determined that the mysterious creature was, in fact, a man in a costume.
There was no evidence of criminal activity, no indication of anything nefarious afoot, and unfortunately, no groundbreaking discovery of a previously unknown species.
Just a guy in a very convincing costume.
We greatly appreciate everyone’s excitement, curiosity, and willingness to keep an eye out for one another. We also appreciate all the calls and information that came in. Rest assured, we were on the hunt from the very beginning.
While we didn't find Bigfoot, we did find something almost as rare:
A town full of people willing to stop what they're doing to investigate a Bigfoot sighting and keep each other safe.
And honestly, we wouldn't have it any other way.
Thank you for keeping us informed, keeping an eye out for one another, and giving us something to talk about.
Case closed. Bigfoot remains at large… provided he puts his costume back on.
Stay safe!
Chief Josephson