City of Crossville - Golf Capital of Tennessee

01/19/2024

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

If you are not from Crossville, roads are deteriorating please stay home.

If you are from Crossville, we’re meeting at the high school around 10 to see how many hills in the county Billy Bob can climb in two wheel drive, backwards, blindfolded. BYOB.

01/15/2024

07/03/2023

Public Service Announcement: Please keep your pets and children quiet these next few mornings, some of us have been up all night setting off fireworks.

06/14/2022

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT:

Due to current fuel prices, pedestrians no longer have the right of way.

04/06/2022

ALERT: Due to the 60% chance of sunshine, all indoor activities have been canceled.

04/01/2022

Public announcement: Hence fourth the City of Crossville will no longer be called “Crossville” as the word “Cross” may be deemed offensive to those who do not like crosses, for church related reasons, as well as unknown childhood trauma relating to the following:

River crossing
Double crossing
Railroad crossing
Excessive playing of Jump by Kris “Kross”
Any event in Crossville

*list is neither all encompassing or complete and merely potential examples, offensive use of cross is not limited to the above examples*

We appreciate your cooperation in this matter and are open to new town names, public hearing for this change TBD.

Current alternatives being considered:

Safespaceville
Everyoneville
Tennesseeville
Genderneutralville
Welcomeville

And last but not least, the current town name leader:

Not-California-ville

Thank you!

01/17/2022

Before anyone else gets salty over this, we’re currently in the process of surveying the entire city. Pardon our dusting, as we continue the mapping today and possibly tomorrow. Picture below so you know what to expect:

01/08/2022

Night number 3 of “Crossville on Ice” will be in full swing throughout the evening. Please remember the following tips before hitting the road this evening:

1. When in doubt, throttle out.
2. Video tape everything, can’t go viral if you don’t have proof.
3. Send it

Stay tuned later this month for the sequel “Yeet in the Sleet”, times still TBD but certain it’ll be a smashing good time.

11/25/2021

The designated flat-tire-picture-taking-excuse locations will remain unchanged this year for anyone looking to get out of dinner with “you know who” family members. You may want to get an early start this year as years past have become crowded around 11am. Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

11/09/2021

In order to assist residents in adjusting to the recent time change, we will be providing free coffee yesterday from old 2 AM to new 2 AM. Thank you and have a happy fall back from all of us here not actually working.