09/09/2026
Madison Adoption Associates is now part of Gladney International. Our work continues with the same purpose: advocating for waiting children and helping them find loving, permanent families. Follow Gladney International to stay connected.
"Two Sides of the Same Coin”: My Story of an Asian Adoptee
By Maximus Rubenstein
Being adopted is a blessing, but it can also carry pain and burdens that few truly understand. As an Asian adoptee raised in a predominantly white Southern community, I faced many stereotypes and discrimination that ultimately brought me pain. Although I was given a beautiful life and a loving family, I also faced terrible bullying and stereotypes that would leave me to question where I belonged and who I was. From hearing cruel remarks like “Do you eat cats and dogs?” to being reduced to stereotypes like “You must be good at math,” I quickly learned how different I looked—and how little others sometimes understood me.
Despite the hardships, I know I am deeply fortunate. My adoptive family has given me opportunities, love, and support that many children never receive. I recognize my privilege and blessings, even though I had a rough childhood. I often think about a life where I had never been put up for adoption. Would I still have become the person I am today? Would I have lived up to the very stereotypes people in America projected onto me? Would I have truly understood my culture or my heritage? What if I never left?
These aren’t just questions of curiosity; they are questions rooted in a longing for closure. I wonder why I was put up for adoption, what my birth parents were like, and what traditions, languages, or stories I may have missed. Even though I got used to laughing off the comments, suppressing the questions, and brushing aside the discomfort and sadness, I still realized that pretending those things don’t matter doesn’t make them go away. The truth matters. Understanding matters. Who I am matters.
Growing up in between cultures, I was never fully accepted by either side. Because of this, it taught me a difficult lesson about this world: this world can be incredibly divided. I’ve lived on both sides of that division. I’ve been “too Asian” for one group, and “not Asian enough” for another. For years, I changed how I looked, acted, and spoke to blend in, desperate to belong somewhere. But even with all the effort, I often still felt like an outsider. And yet, because of all those struggles and loneliness, I began to learn what it meant to feel empathy.
Because I know what it’s like to be mocked and misunderstood, I carry deep compassion for others who feel out of place. I despise bullying in all forms, not just because I experienced it, but because I believe it feeds the very division that keeps people apart. Over time, my pain became my purpose. My greatest dream is not just personal healing but global unity. I want to bridge the divides between political parties, between countries, between races, and between cultures. I believe with everything in me that if we fully accept one another, love one another, and try to understand each other, this world will be far less cruel and far more whole.
If I had to give my story a title, it would be “Two Sides of the Same Coin.” That phrase captures what it means to live between identities, between two lives, one I live and one I wonder about. From trying to live up to everyone’s expectations to finally living to who I am and becoming proud of what I am. Today, I no longer seek to understand my heritage in order to fit in, but to connect more deeply with who I am. I want to explore my roots, not out of pressure or shame, but from a genuine desire to learn, to celebrate, and to heal. My story is still unfolding and my life is still uncertain, but one thing I know: to be fully true is—I am proud of who I am! And no more will I change myself just to fit in!
