04/22/2026
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For a long time, I believed something was wrong with me. I told myself I was cursed because I had an addictive personality. I thought my seventeen year struggle with alcohol and illegal substances was proof that I was broken at the core. I blamed my wiring. I assumed my desires were dangerous. And I carried quiet shame, believing God gave me a flaw I would always have to manage.
But grace rewrote that story.
What I eventually realized is that I was never cursed. I was hungry. I was not addicted because I was defective. I was addicted because I was designed to attach deeply. I just attached to the wrong thing. The New Testament helped me see this clearly. Romans 6:16 says we become slaves to whatever we obey. Addiction is not just about substances. It is about where the heart runs for life.
The finished work of Jesus Christ revealed something freeing. God does not remove desire. He redeems it. When I encountered Jesus, my hunger did not disappear. It changed direction. The same intensity that once chased numbness now clings to grace. Second Corinthians 5:17 says that anyone in Christ is a new creation. That does not mean my personality was erased. It means it was redeemed.
I used to think my history proved I was cursed. Scripture says the opposite. Galatians 3:13 tells us that Christ redeemed us from the curse. Not part of it. Not some of it. All of it. If I were still cursed, the cross would not be enough. But grace says the cross settled that completely.
Paul writes in Romans 8:15 that we did not receive a spirit of fear, but the Spirit of adoption. Addiction thrives in fear and shame. Grace thrives in belonging. When I stopped seeing myself as broken and started seeing myself as a son, everything shifted. I did not need to escape anymore. I needed to rest.
Here is the revelation that changed everything for me. My addictive personality was never the enemy. It was misdirected worship. Jesus says in Matthew 22:37 to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind. My heart already knew how to love intensely. It just needed the right object. When grace met my hunger, it did not shame it. It fulfilled it.
Paul says in Philippians 3:8 that he counts everything as loss compared to knowing Christ. That is addiction language redeemed. Devotion. Attachment. Obsession transformed into intimacy. I am not addicted to substances anymore. I am addicted to grace. I am addicted to Jesus. And this addiction brings life, not destruction.
The heart of the Father was never to fix me by removing my passion. It was to heal me by giving my passion a home. The finished work of Jesus Christ did not make me neutral. It made me alive.
I was not cursed. I was just searching. And when grace found me, it showed me that the very thing I thought disqualified me was the thing God would redeem for His glory.