04/30/2022
This time of year has me focusing on families. Every family faces their own challenges and hardships. Every family is unique but deserves the same respect and recognition. All families are valuable and should be valued. Every child of every family deserves the best education including the most positive support from adults and a safe and secure environment in which to get that education.
For our family, April is a tough month. My husband died on April 30, 2009, after a bone marrow transplant and battle with leukemia. I am not sure what was the worst–being with Charles when he died or coming home from Buffalo to tell my children. As horrible as that experience was, it gave me faith in people and faith in our community. I would never have shared this information without Charles. He was the one of us who was so open and willing to share his experiences. In his honor I am trying to carry on the tradition.
The only hospital that would agree to treat Charles was Roswell Park in Buffalo. Being 4 hours away was a lot to manage while I worked and did all of the “normal” things for the kids who were ages 12 and 7 at the time. We had an absolute miracle. A donor match was found for Charles for a bone marrow transplant. The odds of a Black patient finding a match are the lowest of any group–29% likelihood for Black patients; 47% for Asian Pacific Islander patients; 48% for Latino patients; 60% for Native Americans and 79% for White patients. Not only did Charles’ donor donate the first time, he immediately said “yes” to donating a second time after the first transplant did not work. We are blessed to know Charles’ donor and his family and they are some of our favorite people in the world.
During Charles’ treatment the people we worked with at JC and BCSD staff from Horace Mann and West Middle schools were AMAZING and helped us with dinners, rides, gas cards, donations and went above and beyond to support our children at school. We have tried to pay those kindnesses back. We donate to families who are experiencing a hard time or who have started a fundraiser in memory of a loved one whenever we can. At JC, we started a scholarship in Charles’ name and raised over $12,000 for seniors, many of whom were my husband’s former students. My daughter and I started Harper’s Library at Horace Mann which through donations by so many generous community members, provides books for elementary students in BCSD in memory of Harper Stantz.
Charles was bigger than life. He always had a smile on his face and never met a stranger he didn’t immediately become friends with. Charles loved blues, gospel, making bbq and the Dallas Cowboys. Charles grew up in the 1960s and 1970s in rural Louisiana and those experiences shaped him. His mother was 14 when she had him and he was raised by his grandparents. Charles attended Wood Junior College then Mississippi State on a basketball scholarship but had to leave when his grandmother died. Charles never finished college but was determined that our kids would. He would be so proud of Isiah and Caroline. In his 20s, Charles moved to Las Vegas (where we met) and worked for the State of NV in Mental Health and was also the President of his union. Charles encouraged me to go back to school for my Master’s in Education and every time I said I didn’t know how we’d make it, and worried about insurance, school costs etc. he just said, “It will work out,” and it always did. Charles is the reason we moved back to Binghamton for our kids to attend Binghamton schools.
Charles found his true calling working with kids at JC. He made a difference in kids’ lives and always fought for what was right. Charles gave “high 5s” to every kid and every adult he saw every day. He coached YMCA basketball and Little League baseball. Charles gave 100% to every kid he worked with. One time he even gave our couches to a family who had no furniture. We miss him every day and our lives were better with him. The 3 of us are a strong team, but we will always and forever be “Team Turner”, a team of four.
There were some tough times in the years after Charles died and you might never know it looking at our family–or the fact that I chose what to share–not all of the ugly bits. Every family has more going on than meets the eye and it is why it is so important that we remember that as we work with kids and families in the BCSD. In Charles’ memory, give someone a high 5, share and dance to a favorite song, sing at the top of your lungs, eat a honey bun (that he used to sneak at school and take the kids on sneaky trips to Hess that he thought I didn’t know about) or smile at a stranger.
