http://www.riverbend.com/supportgroups

Riverbend Divorce Support Group, 4214 N Cap TX Highway, Austin, TX (2026)

03/11/2026

This is your reminder for our divorce support group meeting tomorrow, Wednesday, at 6:30 p.m. It will be a virtual meeting by invitation only. If you wish to attend, send me a request, and I will send you an invitation by email. I will also send invitations to all who previously expressed an interest, so there is no need to request again. Please let me know if you are interested and did not receive an invitation. Also, note that the meetings will be in Google Meet, and invitations will be from my Google email address ([email protected]) and not my Yahoo email.

From Psychology Today (link at bottom of page):

Core Beliefs

Core beliefs are unconditional beliefs we have that allow us to screen, categorize, and interpret our experiences. These beliefs shape the way we view ourselves, others, the world, and the future.

Importantly, core beliefs can be helpful and adaptive. They can also be unhelpful and maladaptive. Maladaptive beliefs tend to be rigid, global, and extreme. See below for examples of helpful core beliefs about the self, the world, others, and the future.

The world has risks, but it is generally manageable.
Most people are trying their best.
I am lovable and worthy.
Bad things happen, but they are not constant.
I am a good person.
There is both good and bad in the world.
I am capable.
Problems can usually be worked through.

See below for examples of unhelpful core beliefs about the self, the world, others, and the future.

The world is dangerous, and nothing is safe.
If something can go wrong, it will.
I am worthless.
Disaster is always around the corner.
The world is unfair and always against me.
I am unlovable.
People will hurt you if you let them.
You can’t trust anyone.

1. Core beliefs are based on our past experiences. How we remember prior situations guides how we interpret current ones.

2. Core beliefs are also based on our present experiences. Core beliefs maintain themselves because they are continuously reinforced. We scan our environments and select cues that further reinforce an existing core belief, while ignoring cues that challenge that belief. In other words, core beliefs work like mental magnets. They attract pieces of evidence that confirm what we believe and repel pieces of evidence that disconfirm what we believe.

Conditional Assumptions

Conditional assumptions are different than core beliefs. While core beliefs are unconditional and involve views that are broader and more general, conditional assumptions influence a person’s response to what is specifically happening around them. They often involve the use of words like “if… then.” They stem from our core beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world.

Coping Strategies

Coping strategies are attempts to cope with problematic core beliefs and conditional assumptions. Another way to put it is that we use coping strategies to protect ourselves—we might be trying to prevent others from seeing the “truth” about us (that we aren’t good enough), or we might be trying to prevent others from hurting us.

All of these assumptions and beliefs lead us to interpret things in a biased way. People with unhelpful core beliefs and assumptions often engage in what are called thinking errors. These problematic thinking patterns can further reinforce dysfunctional beliefs and assumptions.

A few examples of thinking errors include:

Jumping to conclusions: assuming you know something with little or no evidence
Catastrophizing: assuming the worst-case scenario has happened or will happen
Emotional reasoning: assuming your feelings are a valid indicator of present circumstances (or predict future circumstances)
Mental filter or tunnel vision: paying selective attention to certain information while dismissing other relevant information
Overgeneralization: making broad assumptions about all situations based on one or two cases

Try to apply this to your own life. Think of any recurring automatic thoughts you have had that have been troublesome. Do these problematic thoughts potentially reflect cognitive distortions or thinking errors? Search for any themes in these recurring, problematic thoughts. Do you often find yourself doubting whether you are good enough? Or do you often question others’ motives and trustworthiness? If so, what potential core beliefs might be driving these recurring thoughts?

If you have anxiety and self-doubt, there is more happening behind the scenes than you realize. Problematic core beliefs, assumptions, and coping strategies can make life harder.

01/28/2026

This is your reminder for our divorce support group meeting tomorrow, Wednesday, at 6:30 p.m. It will be a virtual meeting by invitation only. If you wish to attend, send me a request, and I will send you an invitation by email. I will also send invitations to all who previously expressed an interest, so there is no need to request again. Please let me know if you are interested and did not receive an invitation. Also, note that the meetings will be in Google Meet, and invitations will be from my Google email address ([email protected]) and not my Yahoo email.

I have a link below to a YouTube video on forgiveness and how it changes our brain. It is a discussion between three specialists in the field. One comment in the video made me think about forgiveness in a different way: what are the consequences of not forgiving someone? One trauma victim said that she came to realize unforgiveness tied her to her perpetrator for all of eternity. Only through forgiveness was she able to let go of that baggage. Here is the YouTube description:

“In this illuminating one-hour conversation, Dr. Allison Briscoe-Smith, child clinical psychologist specializing in trauma and racial identity development and Senior Fellow at the Greater Good Science Center, and Dr. Melike M. Fourie, neuroscientist and expert on the brain science of empathy and forgiveness, explore:

What happens in the brain when we forgive

Why forgiveness matters for mental health

How to translate neuroscience insights into therapeutic practice

Practical tools to help people let go of resentment and build emotional resilience”

Forgiveness can be a powerful tool for emotional healing—but it’s also one of the most complex processes to support in clinical work. What does the science t...

12/17/2025

This is your reminder for our divorce support group meeting tomorrow, Wednesday, at 6:30 p.m. It will be a virtual meeting by invitation only. If you wish to attend, send me a request, and I will send you an invitation by email. I will also send invitations to all who previously expressed an interest, so there is no need to request again. Please let me know if you are interested and did not receive an invitation. Also, note that the meetings will be in Google Meet, and invitations will be from my Google email address ([email protected]) and not my Yahoo email.

An important part of our recovery process is looking back to see what went wrong, especially with the goal of taking responsibility for our part in the failure of the relationship. A recent Psychology Today article suggests that all failed relationships have one thing in common: “A felt sense that your partner does not really care about your well-being.” In looking back on your past relationship, you may find that you can relate to this sense of insecurity. I am including some links from the article below and a link to the full webpage is at the bottom of the this page.

“What All Bad Relationships Have in Common

How your brain responds when safety and being cared for are missing.

KEY POINTS

The brain treats unmet needs like threats, triggering fight, flight, or freeze.
Healthy bonds thrive on small signals of care, safety, and consistency.
Breaking the cycle starts with vulnerable, honest sharing of needs.

Most of us have been in a bad relationship at some point in our lives. Those relationships leave more than scars. They change how you see love, trust, and even yourself. And there is something all bad relationships have in common: A felt sense that your partner does not really care about your well-being.

In healthy relationships, the opposite is true. There is a strong sense that your feelings and needs matter. Your partner shows you in small ways, like listening when you need to talk and making time for you. They prioritize you, choose you, and show you that you can count on them. Those everyday moments send powerful signals of care and safety that tell your nervous system that you are safe; that you matter to someone, that someone has your back.

When that sense of being cared for is missing, unmet emotional needs start to feel dangerous. The brain can't distinguish between physical danger and emotional danger when it comes to feeling unseen, disconnected, or unaccepted. Those unmet needs become encoded as threats to survival. As a result, you'll go into a fight, flight, or freeze response. This means that, instead of asking directly for connection in a vulnerable way, you might lash out, withdraw, or shut down.

Because these destructive cycles prevent needs from being expressed directly and hinder a partner's ability to respond, needs remain unmet, and the problem persists. No one is really listening, no one feels heard, and nothing is resolved. Over time, the feelings grow stronger. Disconnection, loneliness, and shame build, feeding the cycle instead of breaking it. The relationship pattern begins to reinforce the pain, and the pain leads to more fight-flight-freeze, which leads to more acting out and more pain. And the cycle continues.”

How your brain responds when safety and being cared for are missing. This shapes every bond.

10/01/2025

This is your reminder for our divorce support group meeting tomorrow, Wednesday, at 6:30 p.m. It will be a virtual meeting by invitation only. If you wish to attend, send me a request, and I will send you an invitation by email. I will also send invitations to all who previously expressed an interest, so there is no need to request again. Please let me know if you are interested and did not receive an invitation. Also, note that the meetings will be in Google Meet, and invitations will be from my Google email address ([email protected]) and not my Yahoo email.

A big part of our recovery from divorce involves disconnecting from our former partner. It is not just the romantic part that we are separating from, but also the whole spectrum of emotions involved in the divorce. We may be feeling angry at our ex or we may relive conversations we had. We might also get caught up in “what if” questions about our past relationship. I found an article from a group of psychologists that discusses these issues. They call the process “uncoupling after divorce”. Some excerpts are below and a link to the full article is at the bottom of the page.

“What Is Emotional Uncoupling After Divorce?
Emotional uncoupling is the process of letting go of the emotional, psychological, and energetic ties that connect you to your ex-spouse. Even after the paperwork is signed, you may still find yourself emotionally entangled, through memories, routines, or unresolved feelings.

Uncoupling is about creating emotional independence, rediscovering your identity, and learning how to move forward after divorce.

Why Uncoupling Matters

Without emotional detachment, you may:

Stay stuck in resentment or longing
Struggle to co-parent effectively
Feel unable to start new relationships
Replay past conversations or arguments
Lose sight of your personal growth
Letting go isn’t forgetting — it’s reclaiming your peace.

Steps to Emotionally Uncouple After Divorce
1. Set Boundaries

Even if you're co-parenting or in regular communication, emotional boundaries are key. Limit non-essential contact and establish healthy routines that don’t revolve around your ex.

2. Detach from the “What-Ifs”

Let go of fantasies about what could have been. Focus on the reality of now and the possibilities ahead.

3. Seek Therapy or Coaching

Working with a therapist can help you process grief, anger, guilt, or fear in a safe and constructive way.
4. Rediscover Yourself

Take time to explore hobbies, interests, and goals that may have been lost during the marriage. Reconnect with who you are, not just who you were in the relationship.

5. Shift from Couple to Co-Parents (If Applicable)

If you share children, emotional uncoupling is even more vital. A neutral, respectful co-parenting relationship benefits everyone — especially your kids.

Calgary play therapy: children's emotional and behavioral support.

09/02/2025

This is your reminder for our divorce support group meeting tomorrow, Wednesday, at 6:30 p.m. It will be a virtual meeting by invitation only. If you wish to attend, send me a request, and I will send you an invitation by email. I will also send invitations to all who previously expressed an interest, so there is no need to request again. Please let me know if you are interested and did not receive an invitation. Also, note that the meetings will be in Google Meet, and invitations will be from my Google email address ([email protected]) and not my Yahoo email.

There is a recent article in the Gottman Institute Blog about the “honeymoon phase” of relationships and how the way it is portrayed in the media and literature sets up unrealistic expectations. Some excerpts are below and the full article link is at the bottom of the page.

“Is the Honeymoon Phase a Myth? Understanding Love’s Most Romanticized Stage

The honeymoon phase might be ruining your relationship. Surprising research reveals why chasing early passion could be sabotaging your chance at lasting love.

Perpetuating Unrealistic Relationship Expectations

This is the dangerous myth of the honeymoon phase: that intense, early feelings represent “true” love, and anything less means you’re settling.

Here’s the truth: sustainable love looks different from the initial honeymoon period. It’s quieter but deeper. It’s choosing your partner on ordinary Tuesday mornings, not just when your heart is racing.

When we expect relationships to maintain that early intensity, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Real love involves seeing your partner’s actual flaws and choosing them anyway. It’s built on trust, shared values, and weathering life’s inevitable storms together.

Emotional Crash After the Phase Ends

The post-honeymoon phase can feel devastating if you believe the myth. Couples often describe feeling like they’ve “fallen out of love” when really, they’re just transitioning to a different kind of connection.

This transition often occurs somewhere between six months and two years, though it varies widely across couples. As dopamine activity in the brain’s reward circuits returns to baseline, the haze of early infatuation fades — and traits that once seemed charming may start to feel irritating.

Many couples panic at this point. They might:

Question their compatibility
Start looking for that “spark” elsewhere
Break up prematurely
Settle into resentful coexistence

The honeymoon phase isn’t inherently harmful, but treating it as the defining feature of love is.”

The honeymoon phase might be ruining your relationship. Surprising research reveals why chasing early passion could be sabotaging your chance at lasting love.

08/05/2025

This is your reminder for our divorce support group meeting tomorrow, Wednesday, at 6:30 p.m. It will be a virtual meeting by invitation only. If you wish to attend, send me a request, and I will send you an invitation by email. I will also send invitations to all who previously expressed an interest, so there is no need to request again. Please let me know if you are interested and did not receive an invitation. Also, note that the meetings will be in Google Meet, and invitations will be from my Google email address ([email protected]) and not my Yahoo email.

The divorce rate in the United States has been trending downward and is currently just over 42%. If the current trend continues we could see the rate fall further, possibly under 40%. Divorces peaked in the 70s and have been gradually declining since then. The link at the bottom of the page, from the Institute for Family Studies, provides further details.

The fortunes of marriage have changed. Marital stability looks much different than it did 30 years ago.

07/23/2025

This is your reminder for our divorce support group meeting tomorrow, Wednesday, at 6:30 p.m. It will be a virtual meeting by invitation only. If you wish to attend, send me a request, and I will send you an invitation by email. I will also send invitations to all who previously expressed an interest, so there is no need to request again. Please let me know if you are interested and did not receive an invitation.

During last week’s meeting we discussed when it is safe to start dating again after a divorce and some divorced members shared their experience with that, both good and bad. There is no safe period of time that you can look toward because it varies greatly with each person and the circumstances of their past relationship.

The Gottman Institute’s blog recently published an article titled “12 Clear Signs You Are Ready to Date Again After a Breakup”. I am including highlights from the article below and a direct link is at the bottom of the page.

“Why It’s Important to Know If You’re Ready

Your emotional well-being deserves protection, and recognizing your readiness helps ensure you’re entering the dating world from a place of strength rather than vulnerability.

1. You’ve Accepted and Healed From Your Past Relationship

True healing from past relationships means you can reflect on your previous relationship without intense emotional reactions. The relationship has become part of your past rather than something that continues to affect your present emotional state.

2. You’re Comfortable Being Single and Independent

A sign of being ready to date again is paradoxically being genuinely comfortable with being alone. You’ve learned to meet your own emotional needs while remaining open to sharing your life with someone special.

3. You’ve Stopped Making Comparisons

When you’re truly ready to move on, you naturally stop using your ex-partner as the measuring stick for everyone new you meet.

4. You Understand What You Want in Your Next Relationship
Through reflection and possibly therapy, you’ve gained clarity about your relationship values, needs, and deal-breakers.

5. You’re Emotionally Available and Open to Vulnerability

Emotional availability means you have the capacity to form deep connections and aren’t guarding your heart so protectively that genuine intimacy becomes impossible. You’re willing to be vulnerable with the right person and can envision sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences openly.

6. You Have Healthy Boundaries

In a healthy relationship you don’t have to compromise your core values or accept disrespectful treatment to maintain a relationship. You’ve learned to say no when something doesn’t feel right and yes when it aligns with your well-being.

7. You’re Genuinely Excited About Meeting New People

8. You’ve Rebuilt Trust in Yourself and Others

9. You’re Not Seeking Validation from Relationships

Your self-worth doesn’t depend on being in a relationship or receiving attention from romantic interests. You’ve developed internal sources of validation and confidence that don’t require external confirmation.

10. You’ve Received Encouragement from Friends and Family

Trusted friends and family members can often see our readiness before we recognize it ourselves.

11. You’re Able to Reflect Objectively on Your Past Mistakes

12. You Feel Optimistic About Love and Relationships

You’ve processed any cynicism or bitterness from past experiences and replaced it with wisdom and renewed faith in love’s potential. You’re excited about the possibility of sharing your life with someone special.”

The article continues with a section on “Common Mistakes to Avoid When Dating Again” and also some “Practical Tips”.

Wondering if it's time to start dating again? Discover 12 clear signs you're emotionally ready to re-enter the dating scene confidently and healthily.

04/15/2025

This is your reminder for our divorce support group meeting tomorrow, Wednesday, at 6:30 p.m. It will be a virtual meeting by invitation only. If you wish to attend, send me a request, and I will send you an invitation by email. I will also send invitations to all who previously expressed an interest, so there is no need to request again. Please let me know if you are interested and did not receive an invitation. Also, note that the meetings will be in Google Meet, and invitations will be from my Google email address ([email protected]) and not my Yahoo email.

Divorce often creates some strong emotions and bitterness toward our former partner. The idea of forgiveness toward that person is not something we are typically inclined to do; in fact, it is quite the opposite. The bitterness and anger can linger and often interfere with our recovery from the divorce.

Psychology Today recently published an article on the healing power of forgiveness. Some excerpts are below, and a link is at the bottom of the page.

KEY POINTS

Research shows forgiveness is deeply connected to well-being.

Forgiveness isn’t about the person who hurt you. It’s about your emotional freedom.

Take forgiveness one small step at a time.

Research shows that forgiveness is deeply connected to well-being. When we hold on to grudges, our bodies respond by staying in a state of heightened stress. High cortisol levels, triggered by constant resentment or anger, take a toll on the body. The unresolved pain can lead to high blood pressure, weakened immunity, and even heart disease.

A study conducted at Luther College revealed that forgiveness was directly associated with lower mortality rates. People who practiced forgiveness tended to live longer, healthier lives because forgiveness reduced strain on the body and mind.

Common Myths About Forgiveness

Myth 1: Forgiveness means condoning bad behavior. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse or ignore past behavior. You can forgive someone and move forward while still remembering what they did in the past.

Myth 2: Forgiveness requires reconciliation. You can set boundaries or even cut someone out of your life while still forgiving them.

Myth 3: Forgiveness happens instantly. You don’t forgive someone once. It’s often a process that you have to work on repeatedly. In fact, saying, “I forgive you” immediately after being hurt may be insincere if you haven’t worked through your emotions yet. True forgiveness takes work, and it may occur over the process of months or even years.

The Science-Backed Steps to Forgiveness

1) Acknowledge your feelings. It’s easier sometimes to pretend you aren’t hurt or to tell yourself that you aren’t sad. But pushing those emotions down makes it impossible to work through them. Name your feelings. Journal about them. And don’t judge yourself for whatever emotions pop up.

2) Shift the focus to yourself. Contrary to popular belief, forgiveness isn’t about the person who hurt you. It’s about your emotional freedom. Think about how holding onto a grudge affects you. Do your thoughts about the other person occupy a lot of your time? Does it interfere with your sleep? Strain your other relationships? Remind yourself that forgiveness is about setting yourself free.

3) Practice empathy. Understandably, this step may feel the hardest. Practicing empathy involves recognizing that the person who hurt you, despite their actions, is a flawed human being—just like you. You might tell yourself, “I don’t condone what they did, but I understand they acted out of their own flaws or struggles.” This perspective can sometimes soften the sting of anger and make forgiveness feel more attainable.

4) Take action consistently. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time process. Bitterness, anger, and hurt may resurface, especially when you’re reminded of the wrong done to you. During those moments, practicing mindfulness or repeating affirmations can help. For instance, an affirmation like “I choose peace today” can be a reminder that you’re committed to your well-being. If memories of the event still pop into your head regularly, writing in a journal about how far you’ve come can reinforce your decision to keep forgiving.

5) Forgive yourself. Forgiveness isn’t just for other people. It’s important to let go of a grudge you hold against yourself, too. Research shows that self-forgiveness is linked to lower levels of depression and higher rates of self-esteem. Start by acknowledging that you’re human and imperfect like everyone else. Make amends when possible, learn from your mistakes, and remind yourself that punishing yourself endlessly won’t help you to do better in the future.

Start Small

Take forgiveness one small step at a time. You might start by simply acknowledging the lingering hurt. Or maybe you spend a few minutes thinking about how forgiveness might benefit you in the future.

Wherever you are in this process, keep in mind that forgiveness is a gift to yourself. And when you work through your feelings, you improve both your mental and physical health.

Research shows forgiveness improves your mental and physical health. But there are a lot of misconceptions about forgiveness that keep people stuck in a place of pain.

04/09/2025

This is your reminder for our divorce support group meeting tomorrow, Wednesday, at 6:30 p.m. It will be a virtual meeting by invitation only. If you wish to attend, send me a request, and I will send you an invitation by email. I will also send invitations to all who previously expressed an interest, so there is no need to request again. Please let me know if you are interested and did not receive an invitation.

Send a message to learn more

04/02/2025

This is your reminder for our divorce support group meeting tomorrow, Wednesday, at 6:30 p.m. It will be a virtual meeting by invitation only. If you wish to attend, send me a request, and I will send you an invitation by email. I will also send invitations to all who previously expressed an interest, so there is no need to request again. Please let me know if you are interested and did not receive an invitation. Also note that the meetings will be in Google Meet and invitations will be coming from my Google gmail address ([email protected]) and not my yahoo email.

I often suggest journaling to our group members as a way to access and help deal with the emotional issues that accompany divorce. In the resource list we distribute, I include a reference to Dr. James Pennebaker and his research on writing for health. A recent article in the Association for Psychological Science Journal (where Dr. Pennebaker is set to become president) he details the physical benefits of writing that his research has documented. In a 1988 study he had subjects write about either a traumatic personal experience or some superficial topic.

“Those who wrote about traumatic experiences ended up going to the student health center at half the rates as those wrote about superficial topics,” he said. His team also found that by writing about their experiences, individuals saw improved immune function. They were able to measure this with objective markers of physical health, such as by monitoring the blastogenic response of T-lymphocytes—a common technique used to measure an individual’s immune response to toxic or foreign substances in the body.

“This was a break from much of the research in social and clinical psychology, which had relied almost exclusively on questionnaires,” he said.

Pennebaker said he was fascinated by the multiple benefits that came with articulating those experiences. The technique (described in Pennebaker, 1997) is now known as expressive writing and has been widely cited and studied by other researchers. It has also been used in practical settings, including educational and military purposes.

“It’s a powerful cognitive tool, a powerful social tool, and a powerful health tool as well,” he said.

A link to the article is below.

APS’s incoming president describes the lessons and impacts of his research in social psychology.

03/05/2025

Hello everyone,

This is your reminder for our divorce support group meeting tonight, Wednesday, at 6:30 p.m. It will be a virtual meeting by invitation only. If you wish to attend, send me a request, and I will send you an invitation by email. I will also send invitations to all who previously expressed an interest, so there is no need to request again. Please let me know if you are interested and did not receive an invitation.

Send a message to learn more

Riverbend Divorce Support Group

03/11/2026

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