Soviet Jokes

Soviet Jokes Follow for political jokes about the former Soviet Union and contemporary Russia every day.

28/05/2023

After the Second World War, a giant statue of Stalin was constructed in Poland. An old village lady asked her son: “Who is that?”

His son told her: “That is Stalin.”

“What has he done?” The lady asked.

“He helped us to get rid of the Germans.”

“What a great man! Can he help us to get rid of the Russians as well?”

26/05/2023

Khrushchev visited a pig farm and was photographed there. In a newspaper's office, a discussion is underway about what should be the caption under the picture.

"Comrade Khrushchev among pigs," "Comrade Khrushchev and pigs," "Pigs around comrade Khrushchev," -- all are rejected. Finally the editor makes the decision. The caption is "The third from left – comrade Khrushchev."

25/05/2023

An American boy asked his dad: “Who is the greatest President?”

“Ronald Reagan.” His dad replied assuringly.

“And how did he become the greatest President?”

“Partly due to his own diligence, and partly because of Gorbachev and his family.”

24/05/2023

A Russian rushed into a hospital emergency department. The nurse asked: “Clam down! What are your symptoms?”

“I want to see an ear or eye doctor immediately! I keep hearing one thing and seeing another!” Said the man anxiously.

Someone called Kremlin: “I want to apply for the General Secretary of the USSR.”The receptionist said: “Are you stupid?”...
23/05/2023

Someone called Kremlin: “I want to apply for the General Secretary of the USSR.”

The receptionist said: “Are you stupid?”

The man replied: “Yes, I am old and stupid.”

22/05/2023

Khrushchev, Gorbachev, and Teng Hsiao-Ping reached a two-way junction with a sign at each side: One writes ‘socialism’ and another writes ‘capitalism’.

Khrushchev unhesitatingly walked to the ‘socialist’ side; Gorbachev then walked straight to the ‘capitalism’ side. Teng reflected a moment, switched the two signs, and walked to the ‘socialist’ side.

On the way, Teng met Tito with his broken legs.

21/05/2023

Lenin was about to die. He summoned Stalin to the Kremlin for the last words. Lenin said: “There is one thing that I am still worried about. When I die, would people follow you?”

“They will follow me!” Stalin said reassuringly, “They will!”

“But what if they don’t?” Lenin asked.

“Then they will follow you.” Stalin replied.

20/05/2023

Stalin was visiting a school. He asked a schoolboy:

“Who is your father?”

“Communism.”

“And who is your mother?”

“The USSR.”

Stalin was impressed. He then asked: “What do you want to be in the future?”

“An orphan.”

19/05/2023

Q: “What is the greatest legacy of the Soviet Union?”
A: “Political jokes.”

19/05/2023

Only 8000 troops participated in Russia's Victory Day Parade in 2023.

It appears that the process of demilitarisation and denazification is going quite well in the country.

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