24/07/2020
I have received numerous questions and comments on dowry and marriage among the Agĩkũyũ.
One of the issues which has been raised is the high dowry asked by some men.
Others want to know the standard dowry amount
As I explained before a Gĩkũyũ woman was never sold. The dowry was for the potential children as well as a marriage insurance. In case the marriage broke down and it was the man in the wrong, his family lost all the dowry. If it was the girl, her family refunded all the dowry. Both families therefore had big stakes in the marriage working and worked hard to make sure it worked.
In the same breath a Gĩkũyũ girl is worth exactly what her mother is worth. A man can therefore never ask for more than what he gave, from ones son in law.
If a man has only one girl, he only gets a refund of what he paid for his wife. If for some reason it was deemed necessary to ask for more, he would pick the extra and take it to his father in law who would also take it to his father in law in turn.
In short all those men asking for those high dowries are robbing their ancestors and it it a curse. If we are following traditions we should do it right.
One of the worst curse among the Agĩkũyũ is for one to receive dowry when he has not paid for his wife. Whereas other curses are debatable I am yet to see anyone who has done this and survived. I believe the curse of eating extra is just as bad and is destroying many marriages. The dowry curse is one of the most unique ones because it does not only affect the couple who steals the dowry but also the children. (This is my opinion)
As one lady complained to me a lot of Gĩkũyũ girls start their marriages at a very big disadvantage because their relatives ask for a lot of money leaving the new couples almost destitute. To make matters worse their relatives eat the money and forget them when they get into problems in their new homes.
In conclusion there are some standard things which are universally required to be provided by the groom's side, like ngoima ithano, different types of Njohi (type here refers to function), like njohi ya njũrio, njohi ya kariki-inĩ or their modern substitutes like the sugarcane and sodas. These are items used during the process and are consumed by all participating. They are never left with the girl,s family, hence the saying 'cia mũkarĩ irĩyagũo na maambura'
The rest differs according to family customs, there are some special things demanded by 'mũgambo wa tene' ie what those who went before wished or asked for, these can range for a heifer to a robe (Mũkwa). Some 'mũgambo wa tene' can be that girls from that family line have no price tag (priceless) and hence no amount of dowry can be enough. If one marriages a girl from such a family he takes whatever he deem fit as presents. There are usually caveats to the man however, for example never beat the girl. In such cases if you beat such a girl the marriage is irrevocably broken. Men from such families can never ask dowry. What is to be noted here is that this goes through the girls line and so will jump from one family to another. Should you wish to marry into such a family and would like in future to take dowry from you son-in-law's you should declare so consult first to find
out where there is a way out or abandon the girl all together.
The last thing as mentioned here is goats. Agĩkũyũ count they dowry units in form of goats. A girl is worth exactly the same goats as the mother. One can deliver the goats in form of cows or sheep and these days as hard cash or cheque.
Customs around marriage among our people are very strong, before you choose a partner, find out about their families.
Stand buy for a very exhaustive coverage of marriage among the Agĩkũyũ.
Should you have any questions about the topic please leave a comment or in box.
Meanwhile some people are always in boxing me wanting to know the gĩkũyũ name for neighbor.
Kĩroruma nyambo
