23/12/2017
“I had just graduated as a Chartered Accountant then my marriage was fixed to a boy from Chennai. After the wedding, I moved to his home in Chennai and immediately got a job as a fresher. I’d just about started adjusting to my new life when I realised that my husband had no concept of saving — by the end of the month he was completely broke. It started off with him borrowing money from me once, twice…and then regularly. But I’d grown to love him, and didn’t read into it because anyways we’re always taught, ‘a woman has to learn to compromise’ — so I did, with a smile on my face.
Apart from this, the first year of our marriage was beautiful — he was sweet, romantic and I finally knew what ‘love’ really was. It was after this that everything went downhill — he became distant, behaved suspiciously and began to lie to me about where he was. My gut told me there was something wrong, so on observing and asking around a bit, I found out that there were rumours about him having an affair with his colleague. When I asked him about it, he denied and I decided to give him the benefit of doubt — he was my husband after all. Over time, he distanced himself more — he would stay out until late at night and when he was home he would be only on the phone — he wouldn’t even look at me. In 2016, when I asked him again about whether there was someone else — he admitted it. This was one week after my father was diagnosed with bone cancer. Basically, my world had come crashing down.
I was heart broken, but I loved him and wanted to ‘fight’ for my relationship. Being away from my family, the only person I felt close to was my mother in law. I asked her to help me, but I was in for another rude awakening.
Not only did she support her son, but she also pushed for me to agree to a divorce, for the sake of my ‘ailing father.’
I didn’t know what to say so I requested them to wait until my father’s health improved to decide — but they were in some sort of a rush that I didn’t understand.
They forcefully dragged me back to Bombay and made me break the news of my divorce to my family.
My in laws told my parents that they wanted the divorce because I wasn’t earning enough. They said that they expected a CA to earn a lot more, but after 2 years the money was ‘average’ and that the woman he was seeing came from a rich background and would give them more.
My poor father asked for more time and that he would help me find a better job to earn more, but they would not budge. I couldn’t watch them insulting us all like that, so I decided to give them the divorce and move back home.
Initially, I was heartbroken and in absolute depression. I actually did love him, so although it may seem nonsensical to you, I wanted to fix my marriage…for a while I still wanted him back after how he treated me. And I just want whoever is going through heartbreak that it’s normal to feel that way. But after a year, I can assure you, it’s the best thing that happened to me.
From being insecure, I’ve grown to love myself and appreciate that I’m beautiful — and that perspective should have never changed because of someone else. I’m taking care of my father, collecting funds for his treatment and simultaneously planning my sister’s wedding. I know you may think that may be hard for me to do— but it isn’t.
I had ONE bad experience, I’m not going to stop believing in love because of that! Love is the most beautiful feeling we as humans can experience and I’m not losing hope because someone else didn’t see it that way!
So what I can tell you, with getting through this, is that the human experience is jam packed with many ups and downs. People will give you advice on how to get through it, but my only advice is to remain calm. If it comes let it, if it goes let it — the only thing that’s in your control is you and the hope in your heart… that love will find you again.”
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