An autobiography : Journey by chance

19/06/2025

Dr. Vikesh Agrawal (Jabalpur) writes :

Taking inspiration from the Autobiography of Shri Dwarika Prasad Agrawal :

'We human beings are typical creatures. We always want to work selflessly, but this seldom happens. All of us are so much knitted with each other that our dreams, ambitions and even our survival are co-related. This not only keeps the world together but family together. I always wondered why family break after working as a unit for years. Brothers getting separated after working hard for several years in a common project or family shattering on the same lines.

Recently I have read an autobiography of one of my favorite writers in Hindi Shri Dwarika Prasad Agrawal. In his self- description of his life he narrated the drawback of a joint family and how the head of the family uses his co- family members to fulfil his ambitions and aspirations through them. Keeping ultimate control he never acknowledges the joint contribution of his family members in running the family but always looks for opportunity to negate the family members.

I, in this article try to take his story even further to a micro unit comprising a family of father, mother and two children (for simple understanding two sons). This article is in Indian context and should be seen as that. Generally housewives are seen supporting the goals of the husband, if she is in full time household employment. So there is no conflict of interest in it. She works hard to achieve the ambition of her husband and leaves no stone unturned for the same.

Parents take this inter dependency even further to their children. They knowingly or unknowingly involve their children in their dreams and plan their dreams around their children, thinking the child would also oblige for the same. If this happens the family moves happily ever, but if this does not conflict between parents and children occurs. Let me explain further what I mean by inter dependency. If the family is a business family parents would like their children to continue running the business. If the parents are doctors or Chartered Accountants they would like to introduce their son to the respective profession. Or a step further if the parents could not complete their dream of becoming a Chartered or a Doctor, they would force the same on their children. So until matured child takes the profession of his parents as his.

When the child grows into an adult and his career ambitions don’t coincide with that of the parents, than the real conflicts begins. The dreams of parents are shattered and they indirectly become enemies of their children. Though openly they would not oppose the child, but would leave no opportunity to find mistakes in the same. This would eventually create a rift between the parents and the children. Readers please note, in this scenario the child would be alone in his own home unable to discuss what he feels and would develop ill feeling for his parents. Parents sometimes would go to an extent to see any possible failures of their son and boasting of their belief that they were right and his son was wrong. If the son is ambitious enough he would sail through these circumstances and would be a winner against all odds, otherwise he would subscribe to the career ambitions of his parents and he would eventually get full support.

Don’t take me otherwise but this is the face of the society where a human cannot come up his self-desires. In contrast to this there are parents who support selflessly to any extent to support the child to fulfil his career ambitions sacrificing their dreams and lives. These parents always demand love and respect from their children and are considered as God in the eyes of the child. Even child would then go to any extent to take care of their parents which ultimately brings happiness in the family, which is the ultimate goal of life. Children who are in the shelter of these parents are really blessed ones.'

25/01/2025

e.book : JOURNEY BY CHANCE : An Autobiography by Dwarika prasad Agrawal is available in Kindle for Rs.199/_only.

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04/04/2022

Families who have daughters pass through several sour experiences when they are beginning to step into youth from adolescence. Parents are in a fix. They cannot lock them at homes. It is imperative to educate them so as develop their personality. This situation is exaggerated when in-laws for every mistake have a stereotype response, ‘Kick her back to her parent’s home’ is a standard solution for all maladies. Quite often even the husband declares, ‘I don’t like you. I married you to simply keep my parents happy, to respect their sentiments. You either live with my parents or yours. I do not want to keep you as a life companion.’
It has become necessary for guardians to educate them so to prepare them mentally for such hardships. There are innumerable risks outside the home. Every time parents remain in a state of suspense and fear, no one knows what would befall the next moment.
Birth of a daughter is also conveyed very custom made, ‘Congratulations on arrival of Lakshmi, the Goddess of money, in the family.’ However, the experiences through which parents undergo are not only bitter but even fatal. Parents survive and tolerate this stinking mindset for living in the society.
We too had the privilege of raising two daughters in a hostile society, family and difficult economic circumstances. After raising them, they were married. We found some people extremely cordial while many others extremely hostile and heartless. However, this is not the appropriate time to tell you in detail.
(Now available in Kindel. Upload & read : Journey By Chance)

24/01/2022

Usually, inspirational autobiographies are written by popular politicians, men of letters or social activists. However, this sphere is populated by ordinary people, the common men, who did not accomplish much outstanding success as unable to recognize opportunity disguised as hardships; which eventually would lead them to the top. Do the lives of ordinary people lack the ingredients that mould a highly successful person?

Every failed attempt would be a learning experience. This can’t be taken as excuse for every mistake that ‘we are learning’. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi opined, ‘we learn by making mistakes but this does not imply that we go on committing mistakes and claim that we are learning.’
Writing autobiography is as dangerous, act as holding a 440 Volts current in ungloved hands. Every life is a story in itself, but the real challenge in making it public is, what to conceal and what to expose? How much to ‘cover’ while exposing the self? How to camouflage and evade? Narrating the past events, an objective analysis of one’s weaknesses or capabilities, respecting the privacy of people involved is an ordeal in which person is willing to be killed but the opponent is all the time relenting feeling trapped.

I encountered several persons from very close quarters when I tried to understand them; I came to the conclusion that our destiny is molded by the events, incidents and experiences during early childhood and adolescence. Neglect, punishment and brutalities deform a person so much that he develops the inferiority complex and fails to exploit his own potentialities. On the contrary, undeserved indulgence, excellent upbringing or absolute freedom, nourish a person with so much of overconfidence that he turns aggressive and arrogant. How such imbalance can be rectified? How can a person become a complete person? This autobiography is an account of such a quest for the remedy.
I feel that I would be contended only if I tell you everything. `Memories are infinite and I intend to tell much. However, there are limitations of time and space and inadequacy of expressions. I find it difficult to show you the tears I had to shed and the joys I stumbled on?
This autobiography could be an encouragement for those who want to lead a life of their own, on their own terms, and are willing to pay a price for it though they fail to make people around them realize what they actually intend.
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01/12/2021

जीवनयापन करना कोई कठिन बात नहीं है, पेट है- तो भरेगा ही लेकिन कोई भी मनुष्य हो, जीवन को यूं ही नहीं जीना चाहता। सबके सपने होते हैं, लक्ष्य होते हैं, अभिलाषाएँ होती हैं जिन्हें हासिल करने के लिए वह कोशिश करता है- चाहे हासिल हो, या, न हो ! मैं अपने संयुक्त परिवार से मिल-जुल कर जीना चाहता था, जिसमें मेरी खुशियाँ भी उनके साथ रहना चाहती थी लेकिन दोनों का तालमेल नहीं बैठा।
मेरी समझ में यह आया कि यदि कोई अपने सलीके से जीना चाहता है तो संयुक्त परिवार उसके लिए सही 'प्लेटफार्म' नहीं है; उसे उस बाधा से सही समय पर दूर हो जाना चाहिए।

(आत्मकथा का एक अंश है यह)

27/09/2021

While house construction was in full swing my borrowings for business multiplied by several folds. There was no dearth of finance for a borrower who had the label of reputed “Pendrawala” to his credit. However, in order to honor commitments I had to repay. One day while I was engrossed in my thoughts about repayment Shri Gopal Bhagat, one of Daddaji’s friend, came to me asking, “What is the matter, Dwarika Babu?”
“Chacha Ji, I am getting a house constructed and have financial constraints. This keeps me worried.”
“How much do you need?”
“One lakh.”
“Don’t worry, tomorrow by this time you will get the sum.”
The very next day I received a blank cheque with the advice to fill the required sum and give him an intimation so that he would maintain sufficient balance in his account. In those moments of distress, he appeared as an angel to my problem and provided an instant solution. With a little addition and alteration in the scheme, I had a beautiful house.

Construction work progressed and within ten months a house worth living got completed. Front door and back doors were fixed, though few doors and windows had to wait for the time being. There stood a lot of work to complete the construction. almirahs in the rooms, painting, polishing the mosaic tiles boundary wall etc.

There is an old saying, ‘Get married or get a house constructed to know how herculean becomes that task.’ Having experienced long term tension because of financial constraints both of us had our faces sagging. However, the satisfaction of having one’s house was a reward that made both of us beam with happiness.
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29/07/2021

: Journey by Chance : > >
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Babbaji, was diagnosed throat cancer in 1959. He was taken to Tata Memorial Hospital, Bombay (Mumbai) where he was administered Radiotherapy. After his return, he renounced business and the sweetshop Pendrawala became the responsibility of my elder brother Roop Narayan. I was to assist him. He began giving the old patterned shop a modern look. We together made it run quite successfully. I continued both schoolings as well as the business though I could not devote much time to my studies.
Babbaji had to bear the ordeal of cancer for a very long period. Scriptures tell us that suffering is a result of past deeds. Quite often I used to wonder what kind of sins bring such suffering. The man who lived the life of an ascetic after becoming a widower at the age of thirty! He extended financial support to any needy person who approached him instead of amassing wealth. There is a proverb which says, “When you help someone it should be such an act if you are giving with the right hand, left hand should be unaware of it.” This stood true for him. What I saw and as much as I knew him I found him a saint at heart, deeply religious. His condition would often vex me to ask, ‘What kind of treatment God metes to those who have faith in Him?’ He breathed his last on 1st February 1962. Relatives and acquaintances were informed. His bier was prepared. When the bier was being taken for cremation my six-year-old brother Rajkumar asked, “Where are you taking Babbaji?”
It was my first experience to attend a funeral. When he was cremated I kept enquiring what happens after death. As I had heard and read I began visualizing various kinds of images, Yamraj, the Lord of Death, perched on a huge buffalo, Chitragupta, the account keeper of deeds, heavenly dancers dancing in ecstasy and huge boiling cauldrons of oil. The curiosity still persists. Though I read and hear a lot of religious discourse, yet I do not consider them reliable as I do not have firsthand experience. Past birth or rebirth are issues that keep me agitated?

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22/07/2021

Journey by Chance
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Indian sub-continent has a long tradition of joint families. The majority of families accepted the system and began experiments of various kinds. All the members would stay under a common roof, cook and dine together and jointly experienced pleasures and sorrows of life. This spirit of mutual goodwill and cooperation, to a great extent, proved beneficial. The system prevailing among the Hindus was adopted by other communities also.
The senior most in the joint family become the head. In all family matters, his decision remains final, accepted by everyone without argument or debate. Though the head sometimes consults other members but the decisions agreed on, are guided more by family traditions and less by mutual consultations. This is a system in which the entire family is governed by the head, an axle around which things revolve.
The eldest in the family was my grandfather Jagdish Narayan. He exercised full control over family matters. Next to him was six feet tall and handsome, my father Ram Prasad. He was followed by my elder brother Roop Narayan in the hierarchy. In his early youth, Roop Narayan was dear to both my grandfather and father, which eventually lead to rise in his esteem. My mother was confined to the kitchen, looking after the needs of the entire family. However, she had no role in decision making.
My two earlier siblings had passed away in infancy hence great attention was paid in my upbringing. I survived to pen this autobiography.
We had a spacious house, three storied high with open terrace providing ample space for the kids to play, though running was forbidden. The dictatorship of my father, whom we used to address as Daddaji, used to reign all over the house, twenty-four hours a day. He specialized in getting high tempered, his desire used to be the family norms. Extremely irritating and unyielding, ­­his awe-filled everyone's heart with fear. He was the epicenter of power with this authority. He used to interfere with children at play, not because that he didn't like playing; it was to demonstrate that children should play to make him happy. Every action was governed by his command, followed by its compliance. The moment he arrived, everyone in the family would become silent. The game would come to a sudden halt, books would be kept aside, children would leave chair or bed because none ever knew what prohibition swam his mind then. For him, there was nothing good or bad. There were only two kinds of permissions, granted or denied. Beyond this, there was neither logic nor argument.
Life in the childhood was like we have now at the moment, a mixed bag of pains and pleasures. True, there was no responsibility to shoulder but there was absolutely no freedom either. We didn't have pocket money to buy whatever we wished to. No dare to scale the mountain though there were plenty of ambitious dreams. My childhood sobbed under three dictators wondering, ‘Why was I, born!’ I used to ask myself the question and sobbed with my head sandwiched between knees. Weeping would make me feel lighter and life would run on the usual track. Over the decades I
encountered so many ups and downs, the tug-of-war between hope and despair and developing or breaking of relationships yet, despite odds, life continued chasing hopes.
(Autobiography : JOURNEY BY CHANCE is now available for readers in KINDLE)
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08/07/2021

Renowned sociologist Abraham Maslow has propagated the famous need hierarchy theory for self-motivation. The pyramid comprises of food at clothing at base followed by shelter and security, social recognition, honor and self-actualization.

A thirsty person needs water first and food later on. Similarly, a hungry man’s top priority is food nothing else would arrest his attention. A person after having food and water would think of watching television. Human demands come in a systematic order. First, the basic needs, food, clothing and shelter. Satisfaction of these would lead to social security such as a permanent job, steady income from business, one’s own home. Thus one plan for forthcoming needs of tomorrow, the year to come or a tension free life and then ensuring the needs of generations to come. In order to seek recognition one acquires the membership of various organizations where he can substantiate one’s views and concepts. Since wealth enables in fulfilling such needs hence such groups constantly discuss strategies to earn wealth.

After filling one’s belly one looks for a shelter and becomes delighted! The second step needs a little more because the little that one accumulated must be replenished with a little more. Happy again! For the third one needs not just plenty of money but infinite riches because society recognizes only those who own wealth. The majority of us spend their lives in quest of these types of satisfaction.
After satisfaction of the first three one is in quest of honor. This is a penance that enables to acquire prestige and power. A person develops his self by enhancing his qualities, qualifications and capacities. This is how personality is developed. By coming out of one’s shell of self-entry into a wider orbit of society is made by responding to social concerns. Prestige and power are accumulated through such participation. Abraham Maslow advises, ‘one must do what one can do.’

I was born in a rich family. Hence my first three needs were duly taken care of. Yet I wanted to establish distinctly on my own and not the identity of a Halwai. I wanted to set foot upon the fourth step, recognition.

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23/06/2021

Service class and businessman have different attitudes. An employed person can excuse himself excused on the pretext of ‘leave’ problems and avoid attending a social celebration. He might even say that the financial constraints during the last days of the month did not permit him to attend. But a businessman can not parade such excuses. A person living in the joint family has to spend much more than he can afford. Nobody notices what one spends nor gets any kind of appreciation. It is just to be generous, throw charity in a sea and forget.
One has to be ingenious as well as shameless in order to survive after borrowing. There are several money lenders willing to lend you money but they wish their capital to be safe and interest to be secured. The moneylender charges low interest if the loan is backed by a surety but the rates of interest go on increasing if the risk is higher. In order to keep my credit in the market, I had to borrow from one to repay an old loan. This is what the proverb says: ‘To rob Peter to pay Paul.’ The antenna of my mind was alert searching a new money lender whenever an old loan approaches payment. I had some permanent money lenders while a few had to be searched whenever the situation became precarious. Majority whom I approached for a loan, obliged me. However, there were several ‘bosom friend’ who maintained a safe distance. These experiences were bitter and an eye opener. Loans were piled up to such an extent that to repay it was not immediately possible. It could be slightly reduced either by selling my wife’s ornaments or the land adjacent to the house but due to emotional attachment I was not prepared to do it. But it could not be delayed anymore.
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04/06/2021

When a man flies in the sky of success he considers all those who failed dunce or lazy. He thinks success a trifle within everyone’s reach. He finds fault in the person for this failure, imbecile or tardy. According to a Panjabi proverb : Jinne ghar daanen ve kamale bi syaanen’, even idiots in the family of affluent & rich are counted wise. I saw many idiots riding high horse of success and people regard them clever and skillful. Note the fact that every successful person basks in the sunshine of his success, indulging in narcissism with his self confidence at climax. He speaks with candour, his wife and children enjoy respect. On the contrary, an unsuccessful person suffers from inferiority complex, his voice remains milk and his wife a butt of ridicule. His children suffer all kinds of humiliation. Those in power consider it their birthright to exploit the powerless. What I say is not something bookish but is my own experience.
The one who is rich, powerful or has a position is held in awe by every one in the family. Every one takes special care of his likes and dislikes, precautionary measures are taken to keep him in good humour. He is consulted in every matter even on insignificant issues. His opinion gets priority while arriving to a decision. Where as poor, powerless and person without a position is treated as tuppence person. He is neither consulted nor ever informed about decisions. If he is found amidst people discussing a family affair he is scorned and asked, “what the hell you are doing here?”
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02/05/2021

A plot in Sadar Bazar locality of Bilaspur was purchased in names of three brothers jointly in the year 1970. In 1983 Daddaji had decided to construct a lodge on the plot. By that time the cold war between Daddaji and elder brother had subsided and mutual meetings had begun. He had brought an architect from Raipur for getting the plan prepared. During the discussion, I was just seated as a spectator in the visitor’s gallery. I intervened with the suggestion. ‘Make provision for a parking area.’ It was an unsolicited advice hence instantly turned down. I realized that one must resist in suggesting any things unless asked for or else suffer humiliation. The Bandhuva mazdur, the bonded labour, must always be conscious of his status well, this was something quite normal and usual. On the appointed day Bhoomi puja, the earth breaking ceremony, took place at five in the morning. I didn’t get the privilege of conducting the Puja because Daddaji enlightened me that Manjhala, the ‘middle one’, is not eligible. I had heard that such persons are deprived of conducting funeral rituals also. So this was an additional information. Oh, God, something do for restoring rights of Manjhalas!
My involvement in the project decreased a little after my expulsion from home and Daddaji was managing the project despite his age was seventy. His physical and mental stamina was commendable. He was a person of unusual endurance. He had, on an occasion, claimed, “I can break but I won’t bend."
By this time the civil work of construction had come to an end, however, for one reason or other, the inauguration was postponed. The greatest hurdle was a presence of ghosts in the building of Lodge! Everyone in the neighborhood had affirmed that the place was inhabited by a Jinn, the ghost. The delay and other impediments were attributed to the Jinn. Though the reasons behind the delay and those impediments were totally different yet the Jinn was getting credit for them. Do they really exist, is a question I don’t wish to argue.
I never saw them neither am very keen on a face to face meeting. For me, they exist like God. If you believe in them, He is almighty. If you don’t, the idol remains a mere stone. God exists for the believers, so do ghost exists only for those who are scared of them. I am a businessman by profession, it is in my blood. Even on cremation ground, I would make a living by selling coffins and firewood. How can one fear when the profession is stake?
I tried to convince Daddaji to ignore all the rumors. He surprised me by informing that elder brother had already made a formal deal with a person in Raipur who had agreed to purchase. They were soon expected.
I protested, “What are you doing?”
“Let it slip from our hands. Why should we meddle in the matter involving Jinn?”
“There is absolutely no trouble”.
“Then?”
“Don’t sell. I’ll manage.”
“Don’t be obstinate. No one can handle ghosts.”
“Please believe me. I’ll manage them if there exists a few. They won’t trouble me.”
“How and why?”
“I guess Ghost will give due regards to me, as I am senior.”
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