Words from our wars

05/11/2023

A poem I wrote and was put to music and video thenks to Suzie Stanford

The Remembrance ParadeSong credits:Words by Veteran - David LilburnFemale Vocal - Petra CoaseMale vocal - Cain LeathemBoy vocal - Oscar William LeathemPiano pe...

15/05/2022

A Cry for Help...

A cry for help, a groan of pain
Drifted across the Falklands plain.
It broke the stillness of the night,
A dying man, his final fight.

The men in the trenches heard the groan
It chilled them to their very bone.
For they knew for certain, soon or late
They may suffer the self same fate.

My God! That's Smudge! Cried Sergeant Tim,
"Im going out to bring him in!"
"You silly man!" The OC said,
"You`ll be the one to end up dead!

No matter what your strength or grudge
You`ll never reach your brother, Smudge,
And if you do, It's sure as fate
I know damn well you'll be too late!"

Tim knew his OC meant him well
But inner thoughts he could not tell,
For 'brother' is a scared term
Something a bootneck has to earn.

For Smudge and he had shared their woes
The mud, the heat , the icy cold.
They'd shared their hopes and future dreams
A bootneck's trust, a bond unseen.

Tim left the OC standing there
And crawled out in the cool night air.
A desperate try, with chances slim,
But Smudge would do the same for him.

The OC there in admiration stood
To chastise Tim was no damn good,
And though Tim crawled through mud and grime,
He'd never get to Smudge on time.

Hours passed; the OC's worries grew,
He doubted Tim would make it through.
A sentries challenge filled the night
And Sergeant Tim came into sight.

Covered with mud and blood was he,
A hideous sight for all to see
And on his back, all covered in blood
He carried the lifeless body of Smudge.

"I told you so!" The OC said.
"Your trip was useless; Smudge was dead.
You risked your life at no avail,
On a risky cause, bound to fail!"

Tim lowered his precious brother down
A thoughtful smile replaced a frown,
"I have no reason to repent,
Smudge is dead, but I'm glad I went!"

"For he was alive when I got there,
He couldn't speak; I didn't care,
I held him close to let him know
A brother cared, would miss him so.

Then Smudge's lips moved, I bent down low,
His precious thoughts I had to know.
With eyes of trust and body numb
Smudge whispered : "Sarge, I knew you`d come!"

20/04/2022

The day was cold, I was five years old,
When the Padre made his call,
The news was so bad, my mother was sad,
When she heard of my daddy's fall.

An IED he said, they all were dead,
The words were shocking and cold,
Some others had died, other parents cried,
Our young Royals who would never grow old.

The years quickly passed, it seemed so fast,
With no daddy to show me the way,
But I knew from the start, deep down in my heart,
We'd be together forever one day.

Through the laughter and tears, the months and the years,
I kept hearing the faraway call,
The day was cold, I was now thirty years old,
When my eyes first set sight on the Staffordshire Wall.

It seemed old yet new, as if somehow on cue,
When I saw it the earth became still,
And my memory once strayed, became focused this day,
Of a name which now suddenly seemed real.

No more tears filled my eyes, no more crying at nights,
All the answers I'd found in this place,
And my hands touched his name, gone was sadness and pain,
And all bad memories were quickly erased.

As I stared into the stone, I was no longer alone,
My father smiled, and my heart filled with joy,
I whispered "Welcome home Dad, what a journey you've had,"
He said: "It's great to be back home, my boy."

09/04/2022

1982

The night is cold...

The night is long and so very cold,
I'm only eighteen but feel so old,
My eyes they burn, my body hurts,
But the Sergeant Major say's, stay alert.

We know they will come, we don't know when,
But come they will, then come again,
The bullets will crack and they will yell,
It's like being at the gates of hell.

It's almost dawn, the eyes play tricks,
Did something move, safety catch clicks,
Then you know that this is it,
The firing starts and someone's hit.

We open up , we've got at the argies below,
But their bullets and bombs continue to blow,
Wave after wave they come up the hill,
We fire and fire and the blood does spill.

Now they are running, leaving their dead behind,
The number of bodies boggles the mind,
"How many were there", someone said,
We don't know but see their dead.

Medics run from body to body,
They got Smudge, Buster and Nobby,
Others are wounded, some real bad,
But nothing like the argies had.

It's quiet now, we settle down,
We curse the cold and frozen ground,
The order comes to get some rest,
Sergeant Major's proud, we did our best.

This battle is over, we've won the fight,
But they will be back in the dark of night,
Who will die then, will it be me?
All we can do is wait and see.

If it is me, please let me die brave,
Bury me not in this island's grave,
God keep us in the palm of your hand,
Till we leave this god forbidden land.

02/04/2022

For a good friend and brother...

A cry for help, a groan of pain
Drifted across the Falklands Terrain,
It broke the stillness of the night,
A dying man, his final fight.

The men in the trenches heard the groan,
It chilled them to their very bone,
For they knew for certain, soon or late,
They may suffer the self same fate.

My God! That's Smudge! Cried Sergeant Freer,
"I'm going out to bring him back here!"
"You silly man!" The young troop officer said,
"You`ll be the one to end up dead!"

No matter what your strength or grudge,
You`ll never reach your brother, Smudge,
And if you do, It's sure as fate,
I know damn well you'll be too late.

Freer knew his young boss meant him well,
But inner thoughts he could not tell,
For brother is a scared term,
Something a bootneck has to earn.

For Smudge and he had shared their woes,
The cold, the wet , the nights so cold,
They'd shared their hopes and future dreams,
A brother's trust, a Royal Marine.

Freer left the officer standing there,
And crawled out into the cool night air,
A desperate try, with chances slim,
But Smudge would do the same for him.

The boss there in admiration stood,
To order Freer was no damn good,
And though Freer crawled through mud and grime,
He'd never get to Smudge on time.

Hours passed; the young officer's worries grew,
He doubted Freer would make it through,
Then a sentries challenge filled the night,
And Sergeant Freer came into sight.

Covered in mud and blood was he,
An horrendous sight for all to see,
And on his back, all covered in blood,
He carried the lifeless body of Smudge.

"I told you so!" The troop officer said,
"Your trip was useless; Smudge was dead,
You risked your life at no avail,
On a risky cause, that was bound to fail!"

Freer lowered his precious brother down,
A thoughtful smile replaced a frown,
"Sir, I have no reason to repent,
Smudge is dead, but I'm glad I went!"

"For he was alive when I got there,
He couldn't speak; I didn't care,
I held him close to let him know,
A brother cared, would miss him so.

Then Smudge's lips moved, I bent down low,
His precious thoughts I had to know,
With eyes of trust and body numb,
Smudge whispered : "sarg, I knew you`d come!"

02/04/2022

Setting Sail April 1982...

The bootneck's marched aboard the ship,
In a perfect endless file,
Their joyful banter filled the air,
Faces wrinkled with their smiles.

But behind their smiles and banter,
Was the knowledge they were going to war,
When this ship completed her journey,
Leaving them on some distant shore.

Also present was the awful thought,
That some may not return,
Just how fate would decide this,
Led feelings inside to churn.

The ship was finally loaded,
Then she slowly sets to sail,
While families standing on the pier,
Watched the heroes line her rail.

Many looked through tear filled eyes,
As these young heroes sailed away,
But whether aboard the ship or on the pier,
None of us would never forget this day.

40 Year's later....

Embarking from a landing craft,
Where bomb alley became front line,
I feel my heart, it's beating fast,
I hear the engines whine.

My SLR fires forward,
Hoping argies it will reach,
I hope to hell no one is out there,
When we finally hit the beach.

I wake up from my dream,
My book lay in my hand,
This SLR won't fire,
I think it must be jammed.

Then I find I'm in my bed,
There's no reason I should hide,
Then I stare into the dark ahead,
And see the eyes that have just died.

Am I the only one,
Who got to walk away,
It's now almost 40 years ago,
But seems just like yesterday.

Those staring eyes are everywhere,
I see them all the time,
I see those eyes in your eyes,
But in the mirror they are mine.

01/04/2022

A Royal Marine...

In any place you're bound to see him,
He's stands so very tall,
Not too much scares him,
Because he's seen and done it all.

His hair so short, his eyes are sharp,
And his smile's a little blue,
It's the only indication,
Of the hell that he's been through.

He belongs to a unique brotherhood,
Always Faithful until the end,
He has walked right into battle,
And walked back out again.

Many people think him foolish,
For having no regrets,
About having lived through many times,
Others would choose to forget.

He's the first to go and last to leave,
But never questions why,
On whether it is right or wrong,
But only do or die.

He walks a path most won't take,
He's lost much along the way,
But he thinks a lot of freedom,
It's a small price to pay.

Yes, he has chosen to live a life,
Off the beaten track,
Knowing well each time he's called,
He might not make it back.

So, next time you see a Royal Marine,
Standing proud and true,
Be grateful for all he's given,
He's given it for you.

Don't go up and ask him,
What's it's like to be in a war,
Just thank God that it's your country,
He's always fighting for.

And thank him too for all the hell,
He's seen in that beret of green,
Thank him for having the guts,
To be a Royal Marine.

25/03/2022

Living with PTSD (A wife's story)

I tried my best to bring you back,
From the hell that you’d been through,
To help you get your life back on track,
Is there anything else I could do?

But, no matter what I did back then,
To help you forget the awful past,
I’d see you gazing off now and then,
Reliving days you thought would be your last.

You tried so hard to make me see,
What the war had done to you,
Pointing to your leg, lost at the knee,
As if there was something I could do.

I’d throw my hands up in the air,
Aggravated by your endless whine,
Telling me I really should have been there,
Feeling the shivers running through my spine.

You spoke of horrors I’d only read in books,
Seen in movies or on the TV screen,
Then when I said, “So?” you gave me dirty looks,
Slicing into me with eyes so dark and mean.

I was at a loss, not knowing what to say,
Not knowing what to do for things to change,
I only knew I didn't like you at all that way,
Seeing how different you’d become... how strange.

I missed the days before the war,
Before you became this man I did not know,
I wondered what I was holding on for,
Thinking, one day, I might just tell you so.

There were many nights we would go to bed,
Cold as stones under the covers,
So different from the nights when we first wed,
When we couldn't get enough of each other.

One day, you wheeled your chair into the yard,
As I stood at the door, watching you there,
Little did you know that I, too, was crying hard,
Pi**ed off at how life could be so unfair.

I tried to put myself in your place,
Not always succeeding, but at least I tried,
Imagining the torment you had to face,
How at any second, you could have died.

I didn't know if I could have handled it,
Any better than you did at the time,
In fact, the more I thought about it,
I think I probably would have lost my mind.

I considered how I would seem,
Coming home to someone like me,
Who loved to kick off her shoes and dream,
Living life to the full and being free.

I didn't like the feeling I had inside,
Or the woman I had become,
I had put my feelings first and yours denied,
My heart growing cold and numb.

Then just for an instant, I felt your pain,
Your cold hands upon the wheels,
The flicker of hope that comes and goes again,
The emptiness that every bootneck feels.

So, I stepped out into the yard,
Stopping just in front of you there,
And I leaned and kissed you hard,
And told you, “I do care!”

“Whatever you need to share with me,
Feel free to tell me, Dear,
I am your wife and you’re my life, you see,
For better or worse, I will always be here.”

The look you give tells me you remember that day,
And later on into that blessed night,
When just for a moment, the war had gone away,
And everything felt so very right.

13/01/2022

Past Dreams...

A little lad sat on his own, thinking of past dreams,
A football lay by his side, falling apart at its seams,
The final score had just come in, the result was 3 - 2,
His football mates had lost again but that was nothing new.

Winning didn't mean that much to this lonely, little lad,
What bothered him most was the absence of his dad,
There were eleven kids and ten dads at almost every game,
And everyone knew why his dad wasn't there but still it wasn't the same.

His dad was a Royal Marine, a thing they call a 'B***y',
He'd been in wars and such and often was away on duty,
But then one day his dad came home without his usual pride,
And told his Mum they had to talk, his draft had just arrived.

He heard his dad speak of things he didn't understand,
Like duty, family and brotherhood and what's expected of a man,
His Mum sat there quiet, her face it showed her fear,
He knew that she had heard some words she didn't want to hear.

And then his dad hugged him up just like any other day,
And said "You know I love you son, but I've got to go away,"
"You know that I'm a Royal Marine and you know what we must do,
We board the ships and fight the wars for loved ones just like you."

To the little lad it seemed like that had been a long, long time ago,
And this little boy really needs a dad around to help him as he grows,
To hold the bike when he learns to ride and to tie his new school shoes,
But most of all he needs a dad to fill his life whenever he feels blue.

His mother read him letters that his dad used to write,
With weird new words he'd never heard that filled his mind with fright,
His dad spoke of all the men who helped him fight the war,
And how his brothers the day before had won the fight so far.

His letters spoke of courage and a brand new brotherhood,
Forged of Royal Marines fighting for the common good,
And he praised the brave young heroes, wearing berets of green so true,
And he said "we keep the peace and fight the wars for loved ones just like you."

Everyday the young boy waited for the postman to come by,
For he loved his dad's letters but they made his mother cry,
Just how long, the young boy wondered, would his mother have to wait,
For his dad to come walking down the drive and through the garden gate.

As the young boy ate his ice cream and his mother cleaned the floor,
There appeared a Naval padre knocking softly on the door,
"We regret to inform you Ma'am" was the way the speech began,
Then the mother grabbed her little boy and out the house she ran.

Cuddled tightly to his mother, the young boy began to cry,
At his mother's mournful comments "Please no, and why Oh Why?,
Even at this young age, he knew his dad was gone,
And that he and his mother would now be all alone.

A little lad sat on his own, living his past dreams,
A football lay at his side, falling apart at its seams,
He wiped away the tears of sadness just as the coffin passed by,
And said "Dad, I don't want to be a Royal Marine. It makes my mother cry."

09/01/2022

My Green Beret Man...

They called it an "conflict" not really a war,
Yet it took him away from his family afar,
He fought for his country, yet got little glory,
It was called "such sad news," what a terrible story.

He left home at sixteen with a pride in his eye,
But he returned hurt inside, and no one will try,
They taught him to fight, to seek, and destroy,
My green beret man no longer a boy.

His existence felt threatened, fear gripped his mind,
Another daily battle, never clearly defined,
This killing was pointless, time spent seemed a waste,
And then it was over, it ended in haste.

But what of those feelings this bootneck still felt,
He questioned the reasons to the Lord as he knelt,
It felt so unfinished, so pointless to him,
His courage now shaken, seems like he's giving in.

He remembered his missus left lonely inside,
He remembered his parents, their fears they did hide,
He came back to it all, as if nothing had changed,
Knowing deep down inside, things wouldn't be the same.

As I watched from a distance, saw his life as it unfolded,
And then I kept praying to God that his nightmares would be ended,
He deserved so much more than life had dealt to his hand,
My green beret man, now a sad broken man.

Yes, I was his first love, his missus, you see,
That young wife he left in Plymouth was me,
I vowed my commitment, to await his return,
But I was robbed of that moment, to this day I still yearn.

To see my proud Royal march off to war,
Come home feeling proud, being a star,
But instead he returned with disgrace in his eyes,
Hiding those painful memories behind a disguise.

My green beret man left, determined to defend,
Yet it ate at his spirit, right up till the end,
All his dreams, all his hopes, were now covered in sorrow,
He couldn't face his today, or even plan a tomorrow.

I sat silently watching with tears streaming down my face,
At this wasted young Royal this war had disgraced,
He was given a fan fair and salute at his grave,
His brothers stood silent, sadness showed on their face.

Each one applauded his life's sacrifice,
Yet not many knew, he'd already given his life,
His government had claimed it in a glory less fight,
God, where is the justice, this just isn't right.

My green beret man didn't die in the sands of Afghan,
He died long and suffering, the disease lingering on,
PTSD had claimed his mind and he tried best he can,
But it had taken my Royal, my green-beret man.

No one can know the pain unless they've walked in his path,
The hurt, the pain, and seldom a laugh,
And I knew when the coffin hit the grave floor,
My "green beret man" would suffer no more.

06/01/2022

Again it's time for me to sleep,
Today I'm tired, peaceful and calm,
A breeze blows through my window,
My quilt it keeps me warm.

Eyes closed, drifting slowly off,
Where waves hit Brighton beach,
This place belongs to only me,
It's somewhere you can't reach.

And every night, I see his eyes,
They glow and they do glare,
Opened wide, blood shot eyes,
And straight at me they stare.

In sleep, I toss about and moan,
Sweat soaks my wrinkled brow,
In my dream, I hold my firearm still,
Take careful aim, then POW.

Two claps of thunder rip the night,
His eyes they blink with pain,
They close for just a moment,
Then stare back at me again.

My lord, his eyes seem closer now,
I ask, how can this be,
Can he be coming closer,
I'll aim again, We'll see.

Three more explosions spoil the calm,
I watch his eyes get hollow,
I know the owner of them, now,
He will never see tomorrow.

But still, his eyes stare back at me,
The right one filled with blood,
And then, they close and slowly,
Put's his face down in the mud.

Now, his eyes are closed, you say,
and will never stare again,
But let me tell you something, folks,
This is just where it begins.

His eyes look at me every night,
They live in me forever,
I beg, I plead for them to go,
And when will they?

Not Ever!

04/01/2022

The Wall...

The day was cold, I was five years old,
When the Padre made his call,
The news was so bad, my mother was sad,
When she heard of my daddy's fall.

An IED he said, they all were dead,
The words were shocking and cold,
Two others had died, two other parents cried,
Two young Royals who would never grow old.

The years quickly passed, it seemed ever so fast,
With no daddy to show me the way,
But I knew from the start, deep down in my heart,
We'd be together, forever one day.

Through the laughter and tears, the months and the years,
I kept hearing the faraway call,
The day was cold, I was now thirty years old,
When my eyes first set sight on the Staffordshire Wall.

It seemed old yet new, as if somehow on cue,
When I saw it the earth became still,
And my memory once strayed, became focused this day,
Of a name which now suddenly seemed real.

No more tears filled my eyes, no more crying at nights,
All the answers I'd found in this place,
And my hands touched his name, gone was sadness and pain,
And all bad memories were quickly erased.

As I stared into the stone, I was no longer alone,
My father smiled, and my heart filled with joy,
I whispered "Welcome home Dad, what a journey you've had,"
He said: "It's great to be back home, my boy."