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Hazelgrove

* Country style in our renovated 1800’s Australian farmhouse.
* Cancer Warrior diagnosed 2017. Still fighting.

09/08/2022

Hello everyone. This is Holly and Abbey, Mandy’s daughters. We are heartbroken to inform you all of Mandy’s passing on 06/08/2022 at around 7pm. We wish to notify those who loved her of Mandy’s celebration of life which will take place Friday 19th August. We wish to thank you all for the support and love that you have given to our Mum over her journey with cancer. Love Holly and Abbey. Xx

30/07/2022

“A healthy person wants for many things, an unwell person only wants for one thing.” - Anon

Hello! Checking in from my hospital bed after receiving so many messages asking after my health.

I’ve been struggling. My bowel cancer metastasis to lungs is causing me severe breathing issues. I had nearly a month in hospital with 12 rounds of daily radiotherapy to try to reduce the size of a tumour that is restricting my airway. There is also a tumour pressing on the nerve of my vocal chords and it has taken my voice. It’s the cruelest, most frustrating thing you could imagine. I’m too breathless to talk on the phone and no-one can hear a word I say in person either!

My lung was 90% full of fluid a couple of weeks ago and I had it drained - whilst I also had Covid. It left me with a leak in the lung.

Fast forward 2 weeks and it has filled to 80% again. I sleep sitting upright, using oxygen overnight to try to keep the fluid under control. It’s a drowning feeling and is terrifying.

I have stopped the chemo treatment as it’s not working. I’m ok with it. Actually, I’m happy about it. Chemo has nearly killed me once before and after having three rounds of it this time, I intuitively know it’s not for me.

So, now I feel like I’m free falling, looking for a bed of roses to land on. I’ll be relying on nutrition and cannabis to work some miracles for me now.

I’m super tired and oh so over being a cancer patient. I have trouble focusing. My mind is just not engaged. I’m even struggling to focus enough to paint and draw.

So, if you happen to have any roses spare, let’s collectively throw them down to make a comfy landing for me. 🤗

09/06/2022

Health update:

In an effort to keep things sparkly, I’ve posted one of my favourite pics from my ‘Sparkle through the Debacle’ party. I’m wearing my ‘Cloak of Courage’, surrounded by love. A reminder to myself that I have what I need.

I’ve been in hospital more days than I’ve been home in the last month. It’s scary how quickly things can change.

I had 12 rounds of radiation to my esophagus area in an attempt to shrink a tumour that is narrowing my airway causing breathing difficulties. The after effects have been just awful. Burning and inflammation of my insides mean it’s been difficult to swallow even a teaspoon of liquid and the burns to the skin are just another bonus.

I have lost about half to two thirds of my hair. I dodged a bullet there. It was meant to all go but it didn’t! Now I’ve changed chemos, so it looks like I’ll get to keep what is left. I told me hairdresser she wasn’t get rid of me that easily!

I have a tumour pressing on the nerve of my vocal chords and it has taken my voice. It’s actually been gone for ages but I’ve become used to it to a degree. I can’t talk on the phone and speaking in general makes me breathless very quickly. I don’t think it’s coming back. I do have a very capable texting finger though! (Read on in comments)

01/06/2022

Still here in hospital and still getting spoilt. What a beautiful surprise! If only you could smell these roses. Thank you they are divine!

Radiotherapy treatment No. 11 today. 🤯 Hoping it’s blasting those little suckers out of my windpipe before I start some serious chemotherapy.

28/05/2022

Immersing myself in splashes of pink today.

25/05/2022

It’s 25 May 2022 and I’m sitting in a hospital bed. The same bed I’ve been in for over a week, the same bed I’ll end up being in for about 3 weeks and all I can think about is how broken our so called ‘Health’ system is.

This is not an opportunity to attack the Doctors and Nurses working tirelessly to bring me relief of physical discomfort and pain, nor is it a chance to have a political dig or criticise the very fibre that makes up our ‘Health’ system. It is simply how I’ve been observing my own experience as a Stage 4 cancer patient. (If you’ve read some of my pieces, you’ll know “Stage 4” is code for “You’re f**k@d”).

Over my 5 year tango with Cancer I’ve been very lucky to have had the opportunity to travel to some exceptional healing spaces and meet both incredibly inspiring and knowledgeable healers and patients alike.

I’ve wondered down frangipani scented stone paths shaded by palm fronds to find my Ayurvedic Doctor waiting patiently in his open air office over looking a pond of lily pads and Koi. His wisdom of ancient healing being passed down through the generations of his family.

I’ve enjoyed the crisp morning sunrise of an Australian Hinterland retreat where the days are filled with blissful meditations, deeply healing, nourishing foods and the human touch of a professional masseuse, breath worker, energy healer or a kind ear to listen me.

I’ve read the books, I’ve done the courses, I’ve tried my best to tame this tango and I can tell you, the way we are doing it is all wrong. No one is here to cure me. They tell you that up front! They actually tell you they are going to give you drugs and treatments which will make you very sick and may or may not prolong your life. Umm…wow. Any chance I can get a refund?
Read on in comments:-

11/05/2022

The privilege of ageing. It wasn’t all that long ago I used to feel sorry for the elderly.

The shuffle in their walk, earned from years of service to a work place and looking after a family. The failing memory and the aches and pains, part and parcel of the ageing process.
The ‘sensible’ shoes and elastic waist bands catering for comfort of a weary body, the lined faces and weathered hands of a life well lived.

The longer I defy my prognosis, (I’m 3 and a bit years in to a 3-4 year prognosis of terminal bowel cancer) the more I can’t help but think what an incredible gift it is to grow old. We take it for granted that we will one day be old. We think it’s a given. We plan, we save and reserve things for retirement.

Yesterday I was in hospital for what should have been routine blood tests before chemo today. It turned into an all day event with complications with my port and as I glanced up at the clock, I realised that right at that very moment 18 years ago, I was in hospital giving birth to my youngest daughter.

Cancer will make you acutely aware of what may never be. Of the many happy moments an old lady may experience. Watching your children walk down the aisle. The inconceivable joy of holding a grandchild in your arms for the first time. Recalling the happy memories of a life filled with love and laughter.

I don’t look at the elderly with pity anymore. All I see are the luckiest people in the world.

09/05/2022

Happy, happy 18th birthday to my little ray of sunshine. Our days are brighter and happier with you shining in them ✨✨✨

05/05/2022

Autumn.

19/04/2022

Back in Melbourne today for a PCR test before hospital admission for chemo tomorrow.

I think I’m up to my 6th round of Irinotecan. It’s administered via a port in my chest. I went through heaps of nausea tablets last round, so I assume it’s starting to build up in my system. The last scan showed slight shrinkage of some of the larger tumours in my lungs but growth of some of the smaller ones. I’m calling it a tie. 🤷🏻‍♀️

This battle field is exhausting. Round six, here we come. 👊🏻

18/04/2022

Hellloooo Sailor. It’s been raining 25 hours non stop here and that’s just fine by me.

15/04/2022

No filter required. Lake Eildon.

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