Doofy's Hazard Response

01/04/2026

"Good morning viewers, Stacey Grinspoon here reporting from A Kwinoble Affair.

"Today's feature packed story, features one mans' cosplay that became a service to the community and an advisor to not only the brain affected community of the S***y of Kwinoble from the constant toxic haze from fumes from the condemned refinery plant — that made the lead poisoning of children in The Croweaters and Serial Killers State look rainbow after a summers rain — also to the Big Roads Authority, the WA Constabulary and the Paid and Unpaid Firemans and Firemanswomen Department Brigade.

Gweg Dickheadson, a local consumer of Kwinoble Fragged Chook that decided his talent was utilised elsewhere after retiring from his illustrious career as arse-on-ist to become a community saviour. He formed 'Dickheadson's Hazard Response' and broke no laws according to his Bookfaces legal advisor.

"After, extensive training and experience with fire un-prevention and traffic cones, he gained recognition on this International Day.

"Gweg has produced his latest promotional video that showcases his unnatural abilities that made John Friedrich look a Pink Wiggle.

"We asked our resident Hazard Response Service consultant Chief Supernitendo Doofy of Doofy's Hazard Response to view the promotion view before it goes to air today before noon.

"Now crossing over to you Chief Supernitendo Doofy"

"Thank you Stacey, your boobage is top class today"

"You are most welcome Chief Supernitendo, what are your views on this blanent attempt not self promotion?"

"Stacey, After watching it, my professional opinion is that the Fattyboomba is fu**ed in the head"

Is there any more you would like to add Chief Supernitendo?

"Yeah, Show it before lunchtime so I don't chuck up up my box of Witchypoo Wings and 2 cans of Coke from the first time ya showed me. I want to keep my lunch in my guts not all over my shirt today and 2 hours on the sh***er, like the last time. Thank f**k i still had 700 rolls of arsewipe left over from COVID"

"Thank you Chief Supernitendo Doofy"

"Respect Mah Authoritah Stacey"

"Now we cross over to the promtional video. This has been Stacey Grinspoon from Channel 8 A Kwinoble Affair reporting live with Chief Supernitendo Doofy, now back to the studio...."

08/01/2026

BREAKING NEWS OBEASTIE STEALS FIRE ENGINE

In breaking news. An morbidly obese man has stolem a fire engine. Channel 8 goes live to our reporter Stacey Grinspoon

"Over to you Stacey live on scene'

"Thank you creepy voice over man who I don't even know. Stacey Grinspoon here. Live at the screen, where a local arsonist dressed in a uniform has stolen a fire truck and driving erratically.

"We have liive footage from one of those numbuts to get off taking photos and posting them on the Bookfaces.

"It appears that a large obese man wearing an orange vest was a the scene in outer districts of The Shirty of Kwinoble putting out traffic cones at a scrub fire

According to local cuntstabulary, he was first on scene and called it in. Here with me now is Chief Supernitendo Doofy from Doofy's Hazard Response. Can you tell us what you know so far Chief Supernitendo ?"

Thank you Stacy. What I can tell you is its f**king hot today"

"It sure is Cheif Supernitendo"

"Nice service of b***s you have there Stacey, they must be sweaty?"

"Thank you Chief Supernitendo, I got them put in for Christmas as a gift from Jimbo Packemup for giving him a gobby at the Channel 8 Christmas party"

"They might melt Stace I can numb the area for you. Ya up for a motorboat later?"

"Maybe, now back to the matter at hand Chief Supernitendo"

"I wouldn't mind getting my hands on them. What we know is that a large male approximately mid twentes, called in on the 3-Zero Emergency number. It took 2 hours for those lazy bustards at Optarse to put the call through. The 3-Zero operate couldn't understand the caller. So they called me for a 3 way link up. I thought she said th*****me and thought I got lucky"

"Then what happened Chief Supernitendo?"

"Well Stacey. It wasn't what I hoped for. I immediately recognised the dialect of Authentic Numptese Gibberish"

"Fu***ng hell Chief Supernitendo! Then what happened?"

"I just was finishing my box of Kwinoble Fragged Chook Witchypoo Wings and on my second can of Coke and spat it up

"I realised it could be that Fattyboomba playing with matches again and alerted the nearest unit of the Kwinoble Highway Patrol to look for smoke and respond "

"Then what happened Chief Supernitendo?"

"KHP 1 loaded up extra traffic cones and activated its pretty orange flashy lights and speed through a school zone immediately.

"Upon arrival not so innocent bystanders being local m**h heads stated that they said a beat-up old ute with pretty amber flashy lights in the area and an obesties wearing a orange vest hanging around Stacey"

"That is crucial information Chief Supernitendo"

"Yes it is Stacey, as soon as the Kwinoble Unpaid Fireman's and Firemanswomen Brigade Department were approaching in the distance with sirens blaring, they all fu**ed off like seeing thier pharmaceutical provider on dole day when tick payment is due

"As soon as the Big Red Truck arrived, and they were tripping over the hoses, the Fattyboomba jumped in the truck. Squeeled with delight. Grabbed his his gear stick and fu**ed off"

"How do you know it was him Chief Supernitendo?"
"Well Stacey, who else plays with matches, calls it in to 3-Zeros, dresses like an obese Wonald WackDonald and post makes a TikkyToky for Facebook "

"Good point Chief Supernitendo"

"Speaking of good points your new boobage is unreal and spectacular"

"Thank you Chief Supernitendo... just in from the Channel 8 newsroom we have live footage of the missing Fire engine. Back after this commercial break sponsored by Kwinoble Palace Chinese Restaurant where the chicken is purrrfect"

More to follow...

08/11/2025

https://www.facebook.com/share/1D7Jb1bdHb/

This is a emergency service founded by Dixson to keep people safe while broken down in the Kwinana/Mandurah area of WA.
Despite no official endorsement assisting in 744 incidents and counting, mostly caused by stupidity, neglect, and blind optimism.

07/11/2025

31/10/2025

eGreetings Netizens,

Chief Supernitendo Doofy here. How are you today? I'm super. Thanks for asking.

Seeing that the Fattyboomba thinks he's he knows f**king everything but knows f**k all, your only proper Hazard Response has a history lesson for your edjumacashun.

THE HISTORY OF JAFFA

One word. Three meanings. Same chaos.

Say “Jaffa” in Australia and you could mean a bouncing chocolate ball, a fire aware kid, or a volunteer in a bright orange vest.

All very different. All ridiculous.

1. THE LOLLY

Born in New Zealand in the 1930s. Made by James Stedman-Henderson’s Sweets Ltd under the Sweetacres brand.

A round chocolate ball wrapped in a hard orange shell.
Bounces down cinema aisles. Hits the wall. Gets stuck in your hair when spat at the back of your noggin.

Harmless, sweet and very Australian.

2. THE DFES PROGRAM

Then came JAFFA, Juvenile and Family Fire Awareness.

Run by the Department of Fire and Emergency Services.

For kids who can’t resist lighting fires.
Serious work. Stop curiosity from turning into chaos.

One conversation, one lesson at a time.

3. THE SES

And then there’s the third kind.

The Carrots formally known as 'Jaffas"
In the 1990s some emergency services started calling VICSES volunteers “jaffas”.

Orange on the outside and, as the old line went, s**t on the inside.

A classic dig from days of ego, rivalry and too much coffee on storm duty. They should have stuck with two cans of Coke

Does this sound like someone we know?

●Round
●Wears an orange vest,
●Plays with matches,
●Has pretty flashy orange lights
●Dresses up looking he has authoriah

The Fattyboomba of Dickheadson’s Hazard Response has a three of the kind but isn't the full deck.

No-one respects his authoriah.

Now stuff ya face, Fattyboomba. You are the original disaster in a lolly wrapper. The one ya leaked out from too.

Respect Mah Authoritah.

Yours faithfully,

Chief Supernitendo Doofy*
Doofy's Hazard Response
Proudly sponsored by Kwinoble Palace Chinese Restaurant where the chicken is purrrfect
*not Fattyjaffa

19/10/2025

eGreetings Netizens,

Chief Supernitendo Doofy here,

How are you? I'm super. Thanks for asking.

Can't say the same for Fattyboomba from Dickheadson's Hazard Response having a bit of a tasty that he is infamous for.

He's a tad hangry when he does have his bucket Kwinoble Fragged Chook and 2 cans of Coke He needs to kill the hungrythirsty dead. Cereally.

Doofy's Hazard Response would like to give a big TYFYS his host of carers from Dixon's Hazard Response Response who were able to translate the Authentic Numptese Gibberish into English and calming Gweg down by throwing a traffic cones at him momentarily distracting him from this Class A Massive Sook.

Respect Mah Authoritah

Yours sincerely
Chief Supernitendo Doofy*
Doofy's Hazard Response
Proudly sponsored by Kwinoble Palace Chinese Restaurant where the chicken is purrrfect
*Not a tanty Fattyboomba

29/09/2025

Chief Supernitendo Doofy here. I give this page a big TYFYS for keeping that Fattyboomba safe before he bucks up again

26/09/2025

COMPETITION TIME

eGreetings Netizens

Chief Supernitendo Doofy here. How are you today? I'm super-dooper and thanks for asking.

To celebrate the birthday this weekend of the King formerly known as Prince Charlie-Charlie-Charlie we know that that Fattyboomba from Dickheadson's Hazard Response will be out there. Creating havoc and annoying the living f**k out of the real emergency services and the Big Roads Authority with armed with his traffic cones and chubby Kwinoble Fragged Chook strained greasy fingers ready to activate his pretty amber flashy lights and unnecessarily close down lands. All in the name of scabbing cash from the usual Kwinoble gronk audience.

So in honour of our Big Eared Majesty' giving us a day off to accumulate DD points adding to The Chinga Republic of Wait Awhile coffers, Chief Supernitendo has decided to have a photo competition of 'Where's Fattyboomba?"

First prize is Sweet F**k All. Second Prize is similar and third prize is nuffink.

Actually the best photocopied with the most likes will get a picture of the Golden Traffic Cone trophy.

So get out there and risk a Double McDouggies burger of a fine and take that photo of the Fattyboomba in action being a complete di****ad on your mobile so we can have a good laugh and disrespect his lack of Authoritah.

Better still, get a selfie with the Obeasty.

Have fun kiddies

Respect Mah Authoritah

Chief Supernitendo Doofy*
Doofy's Hazard Response
Proudly sponsored by Kwinoble Palace Chinese Restaurant where the chicken is purrrfect
*not a Fattyboomba

25/09/2025

QPTARSE HAZARD RESPONSE TRAGEDY: WHAT WE KNOW AND HOW EVENTS UNFOLDED
by Stacey Grinspoon
Reporter and Great Looking Bazoongas
A KWINOBLE AFFAIR NEWSROOM

The first public sign anything was wrong at Optarse came when the Channel 8 A Kwinoble Affair newsrooms in the Kwinoble Demilitarisation Zone began fielding calls from its paid smackhead informants late on Friday afternoon.

The brief was to get down to the Kwinoble HQ, or join the Teams livestream, as soon as possible — Grubby Dickheadson would be holding an important press conference, but no further details would be given.

What came next shocked the nation.

When Mr Dickheadson'started speaking at 5:45pm AEST — No one could understand his Authentic Numptese Gibberish it was to report the tragic news that three m**hheads had not got their WooberEats after a network outage stopped some customers from calling the .

It was Optarse's second major outage in less than two years and is now subject to a major investigation by the self appointed communications constabulary Wadio WesQ Emmedaite CBiing Ink because they wear checkers on thier caps.

While there are still a lot of questions, this is the timeline so far.

Thursday, September 18
2:17am — 2:30am
Drug F**ked Zombies in the Republic of Chingcong Western Australia Region are unable to reach their usual drug dealers
At this time Optarse running a "firewall update", during which, according to Mr Dickheadson', "established processes" are not followed.

9am
The first two of five sms are made to Optarse overseas call centres to say they cannot reach the WooberEats because the smack heads had the munchies and were on the nod

Those calls are not escalated.
Optarse has not revealed exactly where those offshore call centres are located; however, it has one Wadio WesQ Emmedaite CBing Ink monitor Shame Bumbling and others monitoring staff staff who were in the rest Australia due to waiting for checkers to be put on thier caps
1:30pm
A local f**khead contacts his dealer "directly" about the outage. And gets this tick oweings doubled thenstabbed in the leg

Mr Dickheadson said this was when he became aware of the severity of the failures and responded immediately with his pretty amber flashy lights doing 100kays in a 50 Kay area to the closest Kwinoble Fragged Chook drive thru.

The rest wasn't worth reporting.

Seizing the opportunity to cash in for another grab of self promotion for his GimmeFreeMoney account, Fattyboomba Dickheadson made the following statement translated from Authentic Numptese Gibberish to English.

"That history makes it understandable why some drivers are cautious when someone is stopped on the roadside.

"That’s why it’s important for people to know who I am and what Dickheadson's Hazard Response does. When I stop to help someone who’s genuinely broken down, I want it to be clear that I’m there to assist, not to cause trouble. The more people recognise me and my vehicle, the less chance there is of anyone misreading my intentions.

"I’m just helping people get back on the road safely, and being visible and known in the community makes that work easier for everyone.".

We asked Chief Supernitendo Doofy of Doofy's Hazard Response for a comment and he said "Deez Nutz, Fattyboomba and Shame Bumsly can deal with it. Both have thier heads up thier arse and any opportunity to use thier pretty amber flashy lights and talk on the Walkie Talkies in their clapped out cars. Respect Mah Authoritah"

The Regional Chairman of the Chinga Republic of WA Rodger D'Dodger Cooked said it was the Soukaki Snoz's fault.

24/09/2025

eGreetings Netizens,

How are you today? I'm super-dooper. Thanks for asking.

Chief Supernitendo Doofy has been given a huge TYFYS Citation from The Incident Meme Team.

Not only a Medal for being a Top Fan , but mentioned I honourable dispatches with with the 26 Point bar on that citation.

As El Supremo of Doofy's Hazard Response , I am humbled by this award.

I would like to thank all my supporters except for that Fattyboomba from that other unauthorised Hazard Response who scabs money from dumbfukkas with his GimmeFreeMoney ™️ and makes Tiki-Toki movies who no one can understand Authentic Numpty Gibberish.

In closing my acceptance speech I like to say Deez Nutz Fattyboomba and a very big F**k you too and I hope ya choke on your third bucket of Kwinoble Fragged Chook and they forgot the two cans of Coke and give you Pissi Cola instead at breakfast. Nah Nah Na Nah Naaaaahhhhh.

Respect Mah Authoritah

Chief Supernitendo Doofy*
Doofy's Hazard Response
Proudly sponsored by Kwinoble Palace Chinese Restaurant where the chicken is purrrfect

*not a wannabee 130kg Village People leather man