That's so Hawkesbury.

That's so Hawkesbury. EVERYTHING HAWKESBURY RELATED!!!The news behind the news, the stuff those pen-pushers don't want you to hear. Don't know how to contribute?

Simply answer: What is the Hawkesbury to you? (No Windsor Downs residents please, your kind aren't welcome here). AGNES BANKS 2753
BERAMBING 2758
BILPIN 2758
BLAXLANDS RIDGE 2758
BLIGH PARK 2756
BOWEN MOUNTAIN 2753
CATTAI 2756
CENTRAL COLO 2756
CENTRAL MACDONALD 2775
CLARENDON 2756
COLO 2756
COLO HEIGHTS 2756
CORNWALLIS 2756
CUMBERLAND REACH 2756
EAST KURRAJONG 2758
EBENEZER 2756
FERNANCES 2775
F

REEMANS REACH 2756
GLOSSODIA 2756
GROSE VALE 2753
GROSE WOLD 2753
HIGHER MACDONALD 2775
HOBARTVILLE 2753
KURMOND 2757
KURRAJONG 2758
KURRAJONG HEIGHTS 2758
KURRAJONG HILLS 2758
LEETS VALE 2775
LOWER MACDONALD 2775
LOWER PORTLAND 2756
MARAYLYA 2765
MCGRATHS HILL 2756
MELLONG 2330
MOGO CREEK 2775
MOUNTAIN LAGOON 2758
MULGRAVE 2756
NORTH RICHMOND 2754
OAKVILLE 2765
PERRYS CROSSING 2775
PITT TOWN 2756
PITT TOWN BOTTOMS 2756
PUTTY 2330
RICHMOND 2753
RICHMOND LOWLANDS 2753
SACKVILLE 2756
SCHEYVILLE 2756
SOUTH WINDSOR 2756
ST ALBANS 2775
TEN MILE HOLLOW 2775
TENNYSON 2754
THE DEVILS WILDERNESS 2758
THE SLOPES 2754
UPPER COLO 2756
UPPER MACDONALD 2775
VINEYARD 2765
WEBBS CREEK 2775
WHEENY CREEK 2758
WILBERFORCE 2756
WINDSOR 2756
WISEMANS FERRY 2775
WOMERAH 2330
WRIGHTS CREEK 2775
YARRAMUNDI 2753

01/07/2020

Guys just letting you know that the lady with no teeth offering bl****bs outside the old Hawkesbury Valley Holden is actually Norma. She has fallen on hard times and offers these as a way to feed her crack addiction since the closure.

Please just accept the offering and pay the $8.50, it's pretty cheap and you're buying local because it's along Macquarie Street Windsor, NOT THE CITYYY!
I have donated myself, often a few times a week (weather permitting).

No sign of Robert, but sources tell me he went into hiding during the movement.

A full timeline of Norma's descent will be following shortly, stay tuned

30/06/2020

Just a specific reminder from the bloke at Civic Video Windsor; It's great that you are apologising for late fees from the early 00's through hand written letters, but please just return The Long Kiss Goodnight and pay this poor man. The c**t is as tired as the rental business model, and no amount of 'My autistic child drew a picture and I apologise, can I not pay the $563.45?' will make his family come back.

Also every rental gets a free VHS copy of The Titanic, which kicks off Civics 'Cry July' event. Rewind it upon return or f**k off.

11/04/2019

Contrary to popular belief, Thompson Square is not suddenly better looking now that the CAWB tent is gone. It's still a bit of a sh****le, let's be honest.

12/02/2017

EXCLUSIVE: A deeper look inside this Winters most anticipated reality TV show ‘The Real Housewives of Community Action for Windsor Bridge’.

The wait is almost over; This June, Channel 9 will premiere the biggest reality TV show in years, and it is bound to get the Hawkesbury talking.

A controversial social experiment, the show will see 16 community activists, mostly over 80 years old and supercharged on vi**ra, thrown in a small tent at the top of Windsor, giving us a deeper look into the trials and tribulations of the Hawkesbury’s longest protest, the Community Action for Windsor Bridge (CAWB). Sandra Deepwater has this exclusive from one of the 16 stars, Abigail Nobridge.

‘It is complicated to say the least, there are so many strong personalities sitting up there for 12 hour shifts. Some get along and some don’t...and some get along too well’.

No doubt Abigail is hinting at the complicated relationships that have come about from the thousand odd days we have been following this dysfunctional concoction of fake smiles, fake emotions and fake hips.

‘John likes Agatha, but Agatha really likes Gareth…Gareth is a dick but has the hots for Agnes, and I heard Cynthia left her shift early to eat Stir Crazy with that schmuck Clancy. It is one big o**y, and it is clashing with their rosters’

Their rosters have been in turmoil for months, with one time friends Doris and Cathy at loggerheads when it comes to being partnered together.

‘F**k that, I would rather throw that cow Doris off the Bridge. Yeah she looks good with those fake hips, but mine are natural and do a good enough job. We can tell they’re fake, and what’s with posting them on Instagram all the time? Obviously just starved for attention. Although she shouldn’t be, I saw her before her night shift getting busy with that pompous git Emmett at the Fitz’

Emmett has been in the crew for 6 months as the producers threw him in to shake things up a bit.

‘Yeah I guess I am the bad-boy young’un. 74 years old, white ponytail, original knees, tattoos…the girls love it. I’m here for a good time and to be honest I don’t even know where the f**k the bridge is’.

When questioned about his relationships, Emmett didn’t hold back:

‘Yeah I have been through a few of them hags, why do you think I always do the night shift? You think I want to leave my mansion in Windsor Downs? Dorothy was the first, so easy bro. We were protesting all night if you catch my drift. Then Geraldine, she was tough…took 3 shifts of arguing and pretending to care about the f**king bridge but I got there.
Now, Harriet…she was the toughest. I was only paired with her for day shifts. Got locked up for indecent exposure, but worth it.’

While sexual relations were always going to happen in the tent, it is worsened by the fact that Dorothy is married to senior leader Herbert Lowtide.

‘I knew it, she came home after a night shift with Emmett all short of breath. I know that her pacemaker works, f**king thing was put in 2 weeks ago. Every shift I have with Emmett he always conveniently swaps with that boring f**k, Prudence. Urgh, I will knock her out if she tags me in another meme from 2015’.

Whilst the drama is never far, original cast member Gilroy Overwater still thinks they are actually doing something for the community. His thoughts on race are controversial but he is still one of the most loved on the show because of his total ignorance.

‘Look, the bypass will work. How do I know this? Because I have had 3 bypasses myself. They’re safe, they’re qu-….OH JESUS…did you see that? It was one of them Indian persons…what the f**k is that doing here? I thought they all lived in Kellyville Ridge?’

With all the drama around relationships, few remember the strict budget rules surrounding the taxpayer funded group. Josie Wharf explains:

'Clancy used the company car to take Josie to the Right Bite at Richmond, that c**t is on the pension, and doesn’t pull that sort of coin. The regulators are also looking at taxpayer funded trips to Richmond RSL…which is always conveniently around bingo time’.

The 24/7 protest has seen Thompson Square pip Richmond Oval Grandstand as the sexual hub of the Hawkesbury, and the constant drug fueled or**es are putting a strain on Wilberforce Chemist’s availability of Vi**ra.

The show premiers with a double episode showing 8 non-stop hours of Josie talking about the weather and her extremely average grandkids.

09/02/2017

LOCAL POTHOLE TURNS 40: Hawkesbury residents ramp up preparations for the hole’s ruby jubilee.

Many are talking about the heatwave this weekend, but the hole community will pour into the Upper Colo area to celebrate a pothole that has remained unfixed for almost 40 years.

About four thousand people are expected to wipe out their front left tyres as they enter an unnamed road in the Upper Colo part of the Hawkesbury on Saturday. Local residents have organised food stalls and animal parades for the kids, with Bowens Smash Repairs on standby at the site.

We approached a few of the locals who were more than happy to share the joy of their holes’ big day:

’40 years, f**k me…they can approve a f**king Hindu Temple but can’t fix this stinkin’ hole’ said a clearly overjoyed Peter Hollow.

‘Went into Windsor Downs the other day, I can see where the road maintenance budget goes…to those yuppie c***s!’.

Others were overwhelmed by the occasion, telling us what it was like when the pothole first appeared:

‘This was when I would still have given it to Queen Elizabeth. She came that year but I couldn’t get to the f**king airport to see her because my car got f**ked up from the pothole’ claims Ray Pit

‘One weekend in the nineties I actually went to visit the hole with my husband’ explains local cougar Wendy Ditch ‘Turns out the idiot dropped a beer down it and he went in to find it. Fu***ng thing is deep, we took the diving gear from home but only came up with a few dead dogs and a horse’

While residents are on the hole excited, they do remember some of the darker times surrounding the pothole, serial hoarder Susie Chasm explains; ‘Things haven’t been the same since I tripped and lost a thong down there in ‘88. I actually really liked that thong, still have the other one at home somewhere’.

Steve Moal says the hole has taken a toll on his soul, with the hole playing a major role in the hard roll of his ankol.

Reports suggest the pothole is almost 10cm deep, but local man Ron D**g sees it differently:

‘I guess if you measure it from the actual base of the shaft, and trim some of the foliage it is definitely bigger than 10 centimetres…I measured it and it is at least 13, that’s what I told my girlfriend anyway’. Ron’s girlfriend denies those claims vehemently.

Council was approached for comment and gave an email response after 10 business days:
‘Council has spent the entire roadwork maintenance budget on organising the Ruby Jubilee, we hope that you enjoy the festival!’

Tourists are being encouraged to stay out of the pothole, with an average of 3 tourist deaths per year at the gash, earning the nickname ‘Satans Anus’.

31/08/2015

Due to the nature of the last post 'That's so Hawkesbury' will no longer be posting about the proposed Hindu Temple behind 'The Australian'. The Laurie Daley staring out the upstairs window reported us.

24/02/2015

S**t mood? Drive down George St. High on something? Drive down George St. Long day at work? Drive down George St. He is THE man. Hawkesbury has its icons, but they all pale in comparison to the waving man.

13/02/2015

Went to see 50 Shades of Grey with Shazza yesterday at Richmond Regent. Usually the buckets on the floor are for the roof leaks, but for some reason they moved the buckets to under the seats just for the movie...

03/02/2015

So they want to put a new Police Station in Riverstone, and spend 19.8 million dollars on it?

Here's and idea to cut murders in the area and save a lot of money.

DON'T MAKE ME FU***NG WAIT AT THE LIGHTS IN RIVERSTONE FOR SO FU***NG LONG!!!!

29/01/2015

EXCLUSIVE:

We at That's so Hawkesbury have obtained an exclusive report into what the Jolly Frog will be transformed into:

People high up at the Reject Shop in Windsor Riverview have given details about a friend of their friend who knows a guy who works somewhere close to what would be a credible source, and the details are shocking.

The Jolly Frog will become a legal LAD FIGHTING RING!!!

That's right, you can now own a lad and have him fight for you. In the past you had to scout your lad at Windsor Station, but NO MORE! The new owners (in partnership with Adidas) have acquired lads from the streets and will sell them to the highest bidder!

Here is a few other things you can do with YOUR VERY OWN LAD:

1. Deck the sick c**t out with Adidas/Nautica/Nike gear
2. Accessorise with the latest bumbag :)
3. Choose which Nokia goes with what cap! Always fun!
4. Try out different hairstyles! (pre-installed with mullet)
5. Take him home for a 2 week trial FREE, and if the dropkick doesn't satisfy you can bring him back (or drop at Centrelink as there will be weekly pickups).
6. Train your new LAD FIGHTER as the first Fight Night will be late Feb.
7. Take home TWO lads and watch as they grow together, constantly fighting over cash and slowly becoming bi-curious.
8. Test the limits of your lad by giving them daily basic math questions (currently all models read and write at a 5 year old level, we are working to improve this over the coming years).
9. Grab a deluxe LAD, fitted with a striped Polo and already levelled up aggression towards people smaller than him!

The fun doesn't stop with your new lad. But remember to feed and give your lad rest (washing not necessary).

So come on down to the NEW JOLLY FROG LAD COMPLEX, and get yourself a lad today!

***Please note: Lads are not slaves, they will not actually do anything.

12/01/2015

I have had enough.

After yet another drowning in the Hawkesbury River I am going to come out and say it, water should be BANNED under all circumstances, no questions asked. I have compiled 10 reasons why (if elected mayor) I will BAN ALL WATER from the Hawkesbury:

1. We don't know what is in water, could be anything.
2. I've pi**ed in the river so many times, you are all basically swimming in my urine, get out of that s**t.
3. Water provides no hydration whatsoever. VB is the obvious choice to replace water in our drinking systems (and I will use YOUR tax money to make this happen).
4. What scientific research is there to say that water DOESN'T cause cancer? Think about it.
5. We need protection from water, it is unpredictable and no one has any clue how high (or low) the water level will be. Until we come up with some sort of system to track tide levels, we need to remain indoors.
6. No one is observing the 'wait an hour after eating' rule. You will obviously die if you aren't doing this, the water is unforgiving.
7. Water has been linked to acid rain.
8. It causes massive amounts of sweat.
9. People who have had any type of disease IN THE WORLD, have had some form of water inside their body, you can't debunk that.
10. Hi**er drank water from a young age. One of YOUR kids could be the next Hi**er.

BAN ALL WATER FROM THE HAWKESBURY, IT IS TIME TO CLEAN UP THE JEWEL OF WESTERN SYDNEY!

15/04/2014

New Airport at Badgery's Creek?

Farrrrrk, thought I'd be able to chuck me thongs on, drop the kids off at Richo maccas playground, grab a few roadies from the Ricky Inn, park the commodore at Richmond Tennis Centre and catch a plane to Bali for a pissup with the lads.

Spewin'

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