You know you've been in the middle east too long...
If……. You are not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat
You think the uncut version of "Little House on the Prairie" is provocative
You expect the confirmation on your airline ticket to read "insha'allah"
You do not expect to eat dinner before 10:30 pm
You need a sweater when it is 80 degrees (~27) out
Your ideal vacation is anywhere
you can eat pork
Your idea of housework is leaving a list for he maid
You believe the speed limits are only advisory
You have no problem with tractors driving 40 kph on the highway
You think all police drive BMWs and Mercedes Benz'
You know whether or not you are within missile range of Iran
You get excited and spread the news when "Oreo" cookies or chocolate chips show up at the grocery store
You fully expect to go to jail when a local national hits the back of your car at a stop sign
You know which end of a shawarma to unwrap first
You think that the further you inch into the middle of an intersection, the faster the light will turn green
You consider it normal for the same section of the road to be dug up three times by contractors in the space of a few weeks
You understand that the true definition of a nanosecond is the time interval between the light turning green and the guy behind you honking his horn
You can receive ever TV station crystal clear except the local one
You get used to using the cold tap to get hot water during the summer
You make left turns from the far right lane without a second thought
You expect gold for every birthday
You drive out of the Emirates and into Oman to get cheaper gas even though gas costs nothing pretty much
You get in heated arguments about your favourite Sheikh, Emir or King
You think Pepsi begins with a "B"
You think it is perfectly normal that your neighbour has 2 Ferraris and a Hummer and never works
You did the calculations and you could have that Ferrari except your water bill from your garden, yard, just got raised again
You think that a box of Kleenex belongs on every dinner table
You think water comes in bottles
You understand that when someone says "burka, insha'allah" to you it really means "sometime during this calendar year…if you are lucky"
You get kidnapped by Yemani Bedu for three days. By the time the Army surrounds their camp both you and the Bedu try to convince the Army that you are not a hostage they just offered you a bit of rice and lamb.
