06/05/2026
🐻🚨 BEAR PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨🐻
Hello, loyal fans! 👋🐻❤️ It's me, your favorite injured-paw celebrity bear. Apparently, I'm trending again today. ⭐🐻📸😂🐾
First, I'd like to thank everyone who called about me today. 📞❤️ I appreciate all the concern and the fact that I've apparently become more famous than some local politicians and the infamous Albany Ave Turkey, who by the way is doing great - we became besties. 📸😂🎬
The good news is that I'm doing just fine! 👍🐻 My paw injury is old news at this point, and I've adapted pretty well. In fact, I've put on quite a few pounds since last year. 🍕🍩🍔🌭 Some might call it "survival weight." Others might call it "bear-shaped." Either way, I'm thriving. 😎💪🐻
Now, if you see me laying down somewhere, please don't assume I'm sick. 💤😴 I'm probably just taking a nap. Have you ever worn a giant fur coat in 85-degree weather? 🌞🥵🔥 I don't have the luxury of taking this thing off. Trust me, if I could unzip this fur and switch to shorts and a t-shirt, I would. 👕🩳😂
Speaking of staying cool, I tend to take more breaks on hot days. 🌳🍃 So if you spot me sprawled out under a tree looking like I've given up on life, I'm not dying... I'm relaxing. 😴🌳💤🍃
I'd also like everyone to know that despite what some may think, I have absolutely no interest in hanging around children. 🚫🐻👧👦
Every afternoon, a giant yellow machine shows up out of nowhere. 🚌😳🚸 It makes a bunch of noise, stops in random places, and releases what appears to be hundreds of loud, energetic tiny humans. 📢😂🙉
As soon as I hear that bus, I'm already headed in the opposite direction. 🐻💨🏃♂️💨 You can keep the chaos—I'll be over here looking for berries, bird feeders, and a nice quiet spot for a nap. 🍎🌽🫐😴🌳
The Animal Controllers escorted me out of a few places today. 👮♂️🐻🚓 They were very polite about it, and I was a perfect gentleman. 🎩🐻 To be fair, all I was doing was searching for snacks and trying to find a quiet place to nap. 🍎🌳😴🍩
Apparently, wandering through neighborhoods looking for lunch and a comfortable sleeping spot is now considered "suspicious behavior." 🙄😂🤷♂️
So thank you again for checking on me and looking out for my well-being. ❤️🐻 Just remember to admire me from a distance. 👀📸 I'm not looking for friends, selfies, hugs, handshakes, or invitations to your backyard barbecue. 📸🚫🙅♂️🍔
I'm just a bear trying to live my best life:
🍎 Eat food.
😴 Take naps.
🌳 Find shade.
🚫 Avoid people.
🚌 Avoid school buses.
👮♂️ Cooperate with Animal Controllers.
🍩 Repeat.
Stay cool out there, everyone! 🌞🍃💧
🐻❤️
Your local injured-paw celebrity bear