08/20/2023
šOver 8 agonizing months. Thank you for this find!
Jennifer,
I wanted to let you know I am OK. I found Dad, Gram and Pop Pop. They were waiting for me, exactly like you told me they would be. (Btw-you know how much your father hates to see you upset and worry like this).
The strangest part about my passing is that I never feel gone from you. Never! How could I, when almost every waking moment was spent with you?! Iām sorry you feel so detached from me. I wish I could help you understand that I am still here.
Yes, I DO hear you talk to me and I'm trying so hard to get you to feel my presence. I see how much you cry when youāre alone, but when I finally see you laugh, it vibrates through my soul and I laugh, too. Laugh a little more. Itās ok! Feelings of guilt, anger, regret and your immense sadness can sometimes build a barrier between us. I honor how you grieve, but I would love for you to try harder to let go of those heavy layers that put the weight of the world on your shoulders. I might actually be able to come to you more easily. Please try not to feel so far away from me.
No, you couldn't have saved me! No, you couldnāt have done more! I realize now that this earthly experience is all about finding our way back to LOVE. All the rest is just part of the journey we call āLifeā. I promise you, I feel your love now, just like I did before. Try harder to feel mine. There is no greater love than the love I have for you.
Donāt let your heart be heavy. Forgive in ways you never thought possible, release anger that no longer serves you (just like you told me) and ignore the things that may harden your heart. In the end, itās not worth it. You will see!
I LIVED FOR YOU! Oh and my Sweet Muffin, Madison, too. I watched her come in to this world and I hate that she had to watch me leave her. Her gentle ways, her caring heart and her never ending presence, filled my heart with such joy. I love how she always wanted to be with me! My time with you both were the happiest and sweetest days of my life.
Please understand, I never wanted to leave you. I wish I could have stayed, so that this pain that keeps you from enjoying life to the fullest, would have never happened. Please honor my memory by finding joy and learning how to smile that beautiful again. I miss seeing that. I will be right here watching and waitingā¦.you are NEVER alone. I promise to always be your guiding light.
I love you more!
Your Mommy xo