05/07/2025
{DISCLAIMER: This is long. Grab a drink & a snack. Or don’t read it. I’m not the boss of you 😄}
Someone asked me recently, “Sarah, how did you survive being a military spouse for all those years?”
WELLLLLLLL......
First, I laughed. Loudly. Possibly with a snort. Then I gave them the "look"—you know, the one that says "pull up a chair, this is going to be a ride."
Now, I can’t speak for every military spouse, but here’s my personal survival guide to being married to a Navy vet, raising three kids (who all survived, mostly thanks to caffeine and stubbornness), and not losing my mind in the process.
---
#1 – LAUGH. LOUDLY. FREQUENTLY. AT EVERYTHING.
No seriously—laugh like your sanity depends on it. Because it does.
Schedules will implode. Plans will go sideways. You’ll have moments where you’re standing in the middle of your living room wearing mismatched shoes, holding a crying kid, with the dog throwing up something unidentifiable on your last clean rug—and all you can do is laugh so hard you borderline concern your neighbors.
Laughter is your battle cry. It’s how you take the edge off when you’re drowning in to-do lists, deployment countdowns, and the 57th form you’ve had to fill out “in black ink only.” Laugh with your spouse, with your kids, with your friends—laugh until you snort. Laugh until you cry. Laugh until your face hurts and the tension in your shoulders finally unclenches.
Because if you don’t laugh? You’ll lose your mind. And girl, you’ve worked too hard to let that go without a fight.
---
B – Be flexible or be broken.
Look, if you’re the kind of person who thrives on a perfectly color-coded planner and predictable routines—bless your heart. But also, get ready to let that go real quick. Because in this life, plans don’t just change—they spontaneously combust.
You’ll make a plan. Then you’ll make a backup plan. Then that one will unravel, and suddenly you’re winging it with caffeine, prayer, and a dry shampoo miracle. And somehow, somehow, it all still (mostly) works out.
Being flexible doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you’ve adapted. It means you’ve learned how to pivot like a ballerina on a battlefield. It means you can cry in your car, laugh five minutes later, and then order takeout because you tried and that’s what counts.
So, bend. Don’t break. And if you do break? Break loudly and dramatically like a true queen, then get up, straighten your crown, and roll on to whatever chaos is next.
---
1.3-A – Hug the chaos. HARD.
When life throws curveballs (and it will), just tackle 'em with hugs and sarcasm.
Like that time your husband was 5,300+ miles away in Hawaii (tough duty station, huh?) and lost his phone—completely off the radar—while you were back in Virginia, solo-moving an entire household, wrangling three kids, and trying to keep two dogs from reenacting Homeward Bound: The Anxiety Edition.
No phone. No updates. Just vibes and mild-to-moderate panic.
You start thinking, “Is he okay? Is he surfing? Did he join a luau and forget about us?!”
Meanwhile, you’re lifting boxes with one hand, stopping fights with the other, and seriously contemplating if cereal counts as dinner for the fifth night in a row. (Spoiler: it does.)
Moral of the story: chaos means you’re living a full, weird, unforgettable life. And if you survive it? You unlock a whole new level of strength.
---
DEFG+= You’re tougher than you think, darling.
Military life—or life after the military, let’s be real—is not for the faint of heart. There will be days when everything hits the fan at once: one kid is puking, another's having an emotional meltdown, the washing machine starts screaming like it’s being exorcised, and the dogs are howling like they’re trying to summon the moon.
You might find yourself hiding in the pantry, eating chocolate chips straight from the bag and whispering “I’m fine” like a mantra. That’s okay. In fact, it’s encouraged. Let yourself break down when you need to. Cry in the shower. Scream into a pillow. Lock yourself in the bathroom just to scroll TikTok for 10 blessed minutes of peace.
Then—you’ll get up. You always do. Because you’re made of grit, grace, and possibly expired coffee. You keep showing up, even when you’re exhausted, even when no one claps for you, even when it feels like you’re drowning in laundry and life.
That strength? That’s not something you were handed. That’s something you earned. And honey, it looks damn good on you.
---
3.45/38 – Home is wherever your people are.
Look, “home” is a slippery little concept when you’ve packed it into boxes more times than you can count. Maybe it’s a cozy rental. Maybe it’s a fixer-upper you prayed over before signing. Maybe it’s military housing that smells vaguely of mystery meat and industrial cleaner. Doesn’t matter.
Wherever you and your people land—that’s home. Even if the walls are blank, even if the curtains don’t match, even if the dogs keep trying to dig under the fence like they’re starring in Shawshank Redemption: Canine Edition.
You unpack your memories, hang up your favorite pictures, light a candle, toss a blanket over the couch, and bam—you’ve claimed the space. Whether you’re there for a year or a decade, make it yours. Love it. Live in it. Even if you’re tripping over boxes and yelling “WHO LET THE DOG OUT AGAIN?!” every five minutes.
Because the location may change, but the love inside? That’s the part that sticks.
---
XXI – FRIENDS. Like, real ones.
Let’s get one thing straight: you need friends who get it. Not the ones who smile politely when you say your spouse is deployed for the 6th time, or the ones who think "being flexible" means rearranging your schedule once. No, you need the ride-or-die crew. The ones who show up at 2 a.m. when your kid’s in the ER and you need someone to keep the other one entertained. The ones who listen to your rants, offer a shoulder when you break down, and bring you wine and tacos just because it's a Tuesday.
Military life is isolating sometimes. You don’t always have family nearby, and every few years, you start from scratch. But when you find that friend, that person who’s as deep into the military rollercoaster as you are, you’ll wonder how you ever survived without them.
Don’t be too proud to ask for help. (Trust me, I’ve been there.) You can’t do it all alone, and the right friend will be the first one to remind you of that. It’s a cycle—sometimes you need them, sometimes they need you—but that’s the beauty of it. Real friends lift you up, and when things settle down, you do the same for them.
So, go ahead. Make those friends. The ones who aren’t just acquaintances, but your chosen family. Because when life’s throwing grenades, those are the people you’ll want by your side.
---
QHT – Repeat after me: “I will get through this.”
I know it’s tough right now. It feels like the universe is throwing everything it’s got at you—there’s no end in sight, and you’re so tired of being strong. But listen, you will get through this.
There will be days when you feel like you’re drowning in chaos—when the kids are sick, the car breaks down, the laundry pile is a small mountain, and you just need five minutes of peace. You’ll wonder how much longer you can keep it together before you completely lose it.
But let me tell you something: you’re tougher than you think. You’ve made it through worse. You’ve been through more than most people will ever know. And each time, you come out stronger.
So, when it feels like too much, take a breath. Lower the bar. Embrace pizza Fridays, Dairy Queen Tuesdays, and whatever else gets you through. Give yourself grace and remember that your best is always good enough.
You will get through this. Because you always do.
---
LASTLY: Communication is everything. Like, EVERYTHING.
Let’s be honest—your relationship probably hasn’t looked “normal” since the day the uniform entered the picture. You spent years navigating time zones, dropped calls, and radio silence while trying to parent, work, and hold down the fort with duct tape and determination.
You have to talk to each other. About the big stuff, the little stuff, the "I don’t even know what’s wrong but I’m irritated" stuff. When he’s gone, when he’s home, when you're both running on fumes and forgetting how to human—talk.
There were times when resentment crept in. Times when I felt like I was parenting alone, juggling the house, the kids, the job, the dogs (and occasionally my own sanity) while he was out doing his duty. There were also moments of intense reconnection, of realizing that this life made us stronger because we had to keep choosing each other—even when it was hard.
You don’t get the luxury of proximity all the time, so you better cling tight to honesty. Text, call, write, send a meme—whatever it takes. Say the things that matter. Hear each other out, even when it’s uncomfortable.
And remember: military marriages don’t really get a “seven-year itch” because you’re not together enough to even have an itch. 😂
(Perk? Maybe.)
But seriously—talk it out. Fight fair. Laugh often. Love harder. It’s worth it.
---
P.S. Don’t forget the perks—yes, there are some.
It’s easy to get swallowed up by the stress and the solo-parenting and the never-ending cycle of “Wait, where are we moving now?” But tucked inside this whirlwind life are some legit, beautiful gifts.
You’re married to someone who served—who signed up for something bigger than themselves. That kind of dedication doesn’t just fade when the uniform gets hung up. It shapes your family. It builds resilience, adaptability, and a weird but wonderful sense of humor that most civilians just don’t get.
Your kids? They’ve seen more of the world and met more kinds of people than most adults. They’re growing up knowing how to adapt, how to say hello and goodbye, and how to find roots wherever they land. That’s rare—and powerful.
You? You’ve discovered strength in yourself you didn’t even know was there. You’ve built homes from scratch, made friends into family, and figured out how to laugh through the chaos. Not everyone gets to reinvent themselves every few years. Not everyone gets to start fresh so many times and come out stronger on the other side.
Military life (and life after it) isn’t just challenging. It’s a rollercoaster—wild, amazing, frustrating, and downright beautiful.
Embrace every crazy, chaotic, wonderful moment. You’ve earned the strength that comes with it. 💪❤️
