04/23/2026
When children struggle with their behavior, it can have a profoundly negative impact on the entire family dynamic. Parents are aware that they need to respond, but they are often uncertain about the most effective strategy, particularly if a child is frequently acting out and nothing seems to be working.
Frequent emotional outbursts in children can be an indication that they have not yet developed the necessary skills to cope with feelings such as frustration, anxiety, and anger. Effectively managing big emotions in a healthy and mature manner requires a range of skills, including impulse control, emotional self-regulation, problem-solving, delaying gratification, negotiating, communicating wishes and needs to adults, and understanding what is appropriate or expected in a given situation.
Some children may appear to struggle more with boundaries and following rules. They may exhibit defiant behavior, ignore instructions, or attempt to negotiate their way out of non-negotiable situations. You may notice patterns of behavior that tend to emerge at specific times of the day, such as during bedtime or homework, or in the presence of certain individuals. Additionally, you may observe that your child acts out more frequently at home but not at school, or vice versa.
Tantrums and other forms of acting out are often a normal and even healthy part of childhood development. They can be indicative of a child's growing independence, as they test boundaries, develop skills and opinions, and explore their surroundings.
Sometimes, parents may perceive tantrums and other instances of problem behavior as intentional or manipulative. However, clinicians specializing in children's behavior agree that tantrums are generally not a voluntary behavior on the part of the child, but rather a learned behavior. This means that children may learn that having a tantrum yields the desired result.
In other words, while a child struggling to control their emotions may not be consciously calculating their tantrums, they may resort to them due to a lack of alternative problem-solving strategies or effective communication skills. Well-meaning parents often respond to tantrums by attempting to address the underlying issue, comforting the child, or giving in to their demands. Unfortunately, this approach can reinforce the tantrum behavior, making children more likely to continue exhibiting tantrums and less likely to develop more sophisticated emotional regulation strategies.
When children act out, parents often feel powerless. You may have tried various discipline techniques without achieving significant success. In fact, attempting too many different strategies for managing disruptive behavior can sometimes exacerbate the issue, as children respond better to consistent, firm boundaries. However, if you haven't seen progress yet, don't feel discouraged, as parents have more influence than they may realize in shaping their child's behavior. By employing strategies informed by child psychologists specializing in behavior management, you can begin to improve your child's behavior and even strengthen the parent-child relationship.
Resist the temptation to terminate your child's tantrum by giving in to their demands. Yielding to tantrums teaches children that they are effective. Harsh or emotional responses can escalate a child's aggression, whether verbal or physical. By remaining calm, you model the behavior you want your child to exhibit. Ignore minor misbehavior, as even negative attention, such as reprimanding or telling the child to stop, can reinforce their actions. Instead, provide abundant labeled praise for behaviors you want to encourage. (Avoid generic praise like "good job"; instead, say "good job calming down.") Your child needs to understand the consequences of negative behaviors, such as time-outs, as well as the rewards for positive behaviors, like screen time. You must demonstrate that you consistently follow through on these consequences. Encourage your child to practice negotiating when they are calm (and you are too).
