28/06/2024
Title: ? (Undecided)
I flashed a bright smile as I posed for the group selfie, laughing along with my friends as we celebrated another night out. But the moment the camera shut off and the cheers died down, my grin faltered. I excused myself to the restroom, locking myself in a stall as I let out a shaky breath. As I stared at my reflection, the mask I wore began to crack. My eyes, usually bright and carefree, looked dull and tired. My smile, once genuine, now felt like a heavy burden. I let my gaze drop, and the tears I'd been holding back began to fall. "I'm so tired of pretending," I whispered to myself, the words barely audible over the music thumping outside. For a moment, I let my true self shine through, unfiltered and vulnerable. But as the music grew louder and the laughter outside intensified, I knew I couldn't stay hidden forever. I took a deep breath, wiped away my tears, and reapplied my mask. It was time to return to the party, to the friends who only knew the happy, carefree version of me. But tonight, it felt like I was suffocating under the weight of my own facade.
I put on a bright smile and rejoined the party, resuming my role as the caregiver, the listener, the one who always had it together. But deep down, I felt like I was drowning, suffocating under the weight of my own responsibilities.
I took care of everyone around me, making sure they were happy, content, and fulfilled. But who took care of me? Who listened to my problems, my fears, my dreams?
I tried to speak up, to share my feelings, but the words always got stuck in my throat. I knew it wouldn't make a difference anyway. No one would truly hear me, truly understand me.
So I kept quiet, kept smiling, kept pretending that everything was okay. But it wasn't okay. I was dying inside, slowly but surely, under the weight of my own facade.
And yet, I couldn't stop. I couldn't break free from this cycle of self-sacrifice, this need to be the strong one, the rock for everyone else.
All I could do was keep smiling, keep pretending, and hope that someday, someone would see beyond the mask and truly see me.
Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. I continued to wear my mask, hiding my true self from the world. But the weight of my facade grew heavier, suffocating me slowly.
One day, I found myself standing in front of a mirror, staring at a stranger. The person looking back at me was a shadow of my former self, a mere ghost of the person I used to be. I didn't recognize myself anymore.
In that moment, something inside me snapped. I realized I couldn't keep living like this, trapped in a prison of my own making. I needed to break free, to shatter the mask and let my true self shine through
I needed to set boundaries, learn to say no without feeling guilty. I needed to prioritize my own needs and desires. I shouldn't always be a doormat.
But fear held me back. The fear wasn't for me but for those who depended on me, fear for them feeling abandoned and alone. Who would take care of them if I stopped being the strong one?
It's really not gon be easy but I reminded myself that I couldn't pour from an empty cup. I needed to take care of myself first so that I could be there for others in a meaningful way.
But I just stood there. Confused
I knew I was ready to find my voice. I was ready to shed the mask and be my true self. But the world around me seemed to scream louder, "Keep pretending! Keep hiding!"
Everyone knew me as the strong one, the caregiver, the listener. Would they even recognize me if I spoke up? If I shared my fears, my doubts, my dreams?
The thought of being seen as weak, was paralyzing. I felt like I was standing at the edge of a cliff, staring into an abyss of uncertainty.
And so I stood there, frozen, unsure of what to do next. Do I take the leap of faith and risk everything? Or do I retreat back into the safety of my mask?
Only time would tell.
Â©ïž OmoJolaAde
